All the creative people I know struggle with 'imposter syndrome'.
It's the most annoying and mystifying thing about engaging in almost any creative pursuit. The 'inner critic'...
(Here.)
is always present. Books have been written about it, lectures given, seminars and workshops address it, yet it still persists.
The last two days I have tried a new trick to short circuit the problem. At least it has worked for the last two days.
I wanted to paint my grandson's favorite video game character for his birthday. My usual approach to painting is to do all my chores so I can 'settle' into a painting session. You know, be a responsible person, taking care of the 'important' things of the day first. This questionable strategy has failed me on innumerable occasions.
I decided to ditch that idea altogether. I sat down to begin this little painting before breakfast. I just made it THE priority.
My printer was on the fritz when I printed out the example. It's been sorted since then.
I was successful in getting it done, but I have to tell you, I was terrified the whole time I was going to make a fatal error! I asked a friend who paints if she ever felt that way. Her answer: "I live in constant fear."
I have heard lots of artists encourage people to relax and 'play' and let go of expectations, and everything is an experiment.... blah blah blah. It never REALLY works in my experience.
But I HAVE made a dent in the 'beginning' part of equation.
I painted this at 6:30 in the morning.
I guess the 'Sit down and dip your brush in water' gremlins are not early risers.
With the exception of a gift for a birthday.... most of my paintings are just me trying to paint something I admire. I am not a true creative. I'm a copyist. But the ACTUAL joy is in the fact that while I am painting, time stands still, I can't think about anything but what I'm doing, and it lets my brain go to a rare place that the psychologists call 'flow'. It's a magical realm that seems to fill up cisterns with healing waters that can be drawn upon later during difficult times. And evidently, for me, this place is most easily accessed at 6:30 in the morning.... before 'responsibilities'.
Make a note of it.
(I know the gremlins personally. I'll let them know.)
I'm sure you will.
Comments (2)
It was hard, until this week, I realized what I am very creative in the way of writing. That is why I have decided to changed my two diaries I changed, and created my Abbey Korrey Mysteries and bring my teenager back for others to read some story I have never shared with anyone but one story with my 9th grade English teacher and I no longer have that story. I can bring that story back even if some of the story back, and add and omit what is necessary.
With what you wrote yesterday, I have to say thank you for sharing your story with me and other diarists. I enjoy reading your thoughts when you write.