You will never believe what I have been doing today.
Things started out innocently enough. All I wanted to do was try out the Dragon Naturally Speaking software that's been lying around in the drawer for about three years. My husband has ordered the newest version and I thought I would brush up on my skills using the old version, until the new version comes in the mail. Got that? The only thing about this that was very dangerous was the fact that I had to move the cords in the back of the computer. You know that I have warned you about this activity.
All I had to do was plug in the microphone to the sound card. The only problem was there were two holes for the cord, and one for the speakers. I think you can see where we are going with this. After about four attempts to get the microphone to work, and trying every conceivable configuration of holes and cords, I decided to go shopping.
This of course is usually the best solution to any computer problem. Spend more money. It's really very simple, the more money you spend the better your computer will work. At least that the theory. I have heard that this theory was first postulated by Bill Gates. So I planned a trip to Radio Shack to pick up a new microphone.
As a sample of how well Dragon NaturallySpeaking is working for me today, I will not correct any the mistakes that were made by the software in the following paragraphs. Warning! I am not saying that this software is no good. After all, I've only trained it for 30 minutes. Fasten your seat belts!
The World According to Dragon Naturally Speaking
So on by went to Radio Sheck. Curiously on the way there two muse myself I spent a lot of time talking with the southern accent pretending to be a nit wit. This made me feel better about spending money that I really didn't want to spend. The only thing as a certain point I began to feel like I was certified insane. But I have final cost outline, you know the one, where everyone tells you if you begin to talk to yourself in answer yourself back that's when you really need to start to worry. Well I was worried. But I was having so much fun I decided to ignore the entire warning and just go with it.
No one I'd pull off in front of Radio Chat I had to tell myself out loud by the way to stop speaking in the southern accent and pretending to be a nit what, I didn't want the guy to think I was easy mark and try to sell me a cell phone. So I put on my completely saying base and entered the store. I found what I was looking for quickly and then had to wait while the health and other customer. I looked into the eye when it was my turn and I said it was being doesn't work can I bring back? Of course he said his long should have the receipt. So I bought the microphone. As soon as I got back into my car, I started up with the southern accent again. I must admit I was very amusing. I was cracking myself a but then again I'm very easily of views. I made a running commentary on all the drivers around the endless surprise, lacks to sell as long as everything with the joke. Here's a sample:
"Way all now isn't that precious, that clever gentleman just pull loud out front mean lack he knows what he was dealing. Why don't even think he knows which ended head is attached to. Do you know what I'm sayin? I'm aware cannot what these people to our drive and like the Devils drive and right behind them ! And everybody knows there's no use worried about Devils to now work three airs chairman that they do with his work for him. Not don't know one board all this trouble so I can dictating novel and have earned by a criticize me and tell me that I am crazy. Our now I'm crazy know I was crazy for a long longtime don't need anybody to tell me the crazy. The good Creek Greeks lease way people know it is making data that's right. Looked at that guy out there, why is the trying to make a right turn from the left turn lines? I'm telling you I've got again home before these people run the over. Here I am why area to computer having a one-way conversation I'm must the aisle of my mind. And I spent 20 dollars to find this out, that's the market really for. That's the part that really hurts.
Anyway I finally got home, eight my lunch, then installed the software again tried plug-in in the microphone in about or seven different configurations until I finally got the thing to work. By this time it was to 15 in the afternoon. Now I asked you, this is supposed to be the wonderful world of computer technology, why is a simple thing like adding a microphone for your computer such a difficult thing? The only reason I'm putting up with all of this would take it was running around is because I wanted to start trying to take dictation instead of writing down by hand. Which of course doesn't make very much sense for person who has been on a continual class for many years to find the perfect pen.
I am wondering if this is what schizophrenia is like? Deep down I know I am a luddite. This does not mean I'd buy all technology, but it does mean that I distressed it. I think I'm going down I'm getting a headache a from this headset. The very one described on the block's that it came in that says “Over the head design is so comfortable you can where it all of a day.” I wonder whose head they tested this headset on question out that it wasn't Bill Gates!
O Technology ! Thy circuits fry around me!
See the software melt away.
All our hopes must die with thee!
O Technology! You empty all our pockets!
Broken promises strew thy path,
And rust corrodes thy sockets!
Enough already, where’s my pen?