Written a few days ago in Ludditeland, far far away from cyperspace......
I am hiding out again.
I have turned off the computer and I'm sitting curled up in a ball with my pseudo Goldenrod tablet scribbling away, trying to ignore the bad movie that's on TV right now.
I'm feeling guilt.
About a number of things.
I'm feeling guilt for not working on my novel today, for not using my Sonicare toothbrush just now, I used the old fashioned one instead. I'm feeling guilty for not having a job, for not going to yoga this week, for not walking this morning, for not having cleaned up more of the garden yet, for not cleaning out the gutters, for not reading the Stephanie Plum novel my friend C. loaned to me the other day. I have only read 2 chapters, and I pestered her to loan me the book. I'm having guilt for not having worked up my Apple Hill apples yet, and that my knitted scarf is only two thirds finished and is gathering dust on the end table in the living room.
I'm a puddle of guilt. A boat load of guilt. A herd of guilt. A gaggle of guilt. A blastula of guilt. An index file of guilt. A spit wad of guilt. I'm a regular plumber's convention of guilt over here.
I spoke to my Shrink about it.... (the really real one) and she told me to calm down, that this kind of thing was common in people of my personality type, with as many irons in the fire as I have. And I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Then she admitted she kind of has the same problem. THAT was SO helpful! Does my Shrink need a shrink???
Anyway, all this guilt is swirling around in an otherwise perfectly good brain. And while my gray matter is busy analyzing these morbid, trivial, self-defeating subjects, I'm using up valuable resources that could be better spent on larger matters.
But there we have problems too. For if I dwell on larger matters, that leads to anxiety. Which in its precious way is much more troublesome than guilt. For the world is a scary place right now. A person could go crazy thinking about the big wide world. A person could develop a psychosis.
Hmmmm...... Anxiety, Crazy, Psychosis..... vs Guilt.
I think I'll stick with Guilt.
In the next few days, I'm going to work on my novel. Or I'm going to try and make crock pot apple butter. It's a toss up as to which one will take top billing. And everything else can go fish.
If Guilt went fishing, what do you suppose he would catch?
( That's easy..... Cupcakes.)
Do you SEE what I have to put up with over here?
Comments (14)
( ) is correct. It IS easy. It's a carp.
~Cali
Could that be because I'm thinking food after the over-long fast?
Shalom
The tomato pickles however won't wait.
Alli
but I do know, as you know, what guilt is all about, and it is horrible
take care
x
x
x
x
Good luck with whichever project gets top billing and remember to breathe! Which Plum book is it out of interest?
Hugs as always
Rach xxx
i cant see how guilt is a jewish thing the jewish thing makes everyone else feel guilty ha ha
maybe what you are experiencing may not be feelings of guilt if i was thinking all those thoughts i would label them procrastination
it is all in the wording does that word feel better it would for me
have a gorgeous day mon amie
love ichandra
see you later mon petit gateau
ha ha ha one of my favourite poetry lines written by yours truly says
jeshua i hear your sacred name whispered across my breakfast table and i feel a peace that cannot be linguistically constructed
im such a rebel and i dont feel guilty for being one it is fun im going to buy a black leather jacket and a motorbike kidding
Now I can go and be free to feel guilty about not feeling guilty. hmmmmm......I don't think being Jewish has anything to do with it. :)
Is so darned counter productive .
Hugs and glad to see you back hun
Linda
xxxx
Guilt: not a uniquely Jewish thing. I'm 100% British Isles (mostly Irish Catholic). I need not say more.