Allimom:
Oh Great Oracle of Pupik, what is that awful smell coming from my son's room, and how do I get rid of it?
(that's two questions cupcake)
Shut-up (), I'm not asking you.
As to the other matter. . . The Oracle has great compassion on young men. They are in many ways the most delicate of creatures. We have seen over the millennia the phenomenon displayed by boys of this age to collect and nurture things that exude their owner’s scent. This is actually a quite primitive behavior having to do with attracting a female. What the unfortunate boy does not realize is that what works for billy goats does not impress human females. It takes some time for the young man to figure this out. When he DOES figure it out, he will most likely modify his behaviors. Somewhat. Though the Oracle must be honest and tell you that vestiges of primitivism will remain throughout his life. Oh, getting rid of it? When he moves out on his own, the odor will fade. . . hopefully. In the meantime the Oracle suggests a product called ‘Febreeze’.
The Oracle observes you are afflicted with your own personal inner critic. Good luck with that.
Dancing Star:
Oh all knowing oracle, will I comport myself with diginity and elegance at this evenings festivities? It COULD happen? right?
Yeah on second thought never mind cause I'll know the answer before monday anyway =P and as the 8 ball is so fond of saying "chances don't look good"
You have touched upon the very important concept called ‘Time will tell.’ A very sensible and useful way to look at the world. Though in the future [since your event has come and gone as of this writing] you might try taking a few moments the day before your stressful appointments and visualize in detail a harmonious outcome. You might be surprised at how this exercise will help you through some difficult situations.
Mamallama:
My question.
World matters are troubling me and I'm just wondering if you would consider running for President in 2012?
The Oracle would make a most unsatisfactory President of anything. We have some very eccentric and quirky philosophies that would not play well in the press.
A certain propensity toward laser-like intolerance for tomfoolery, being chief among them. We are content to leave politics to the politicians. Though we are not above marching and carrying signs when the need arrises. We must resist tyranny.
It is our duty.
Salamander:
Oh great Oracle.
Do you know anyone who wants a Persian cat?
Since we, strictly speaking, no longer have ‘Persian’ people, it may be a little difficult to place your feline. Perhaps if you could get someone to ‘pose’ as a Persian, you could make the match. Otherwise I’m afraid you will have to make do with a Sicilian.
InStitches:
As I was washing a pot this afternoon a mystery confronted me. It is something I have often contemplated and have no answer.
Why is it that when a pot boils over (such as in the cooking of rice) that it always manages to boil over at the handle? Really, there is all this other surface area devoid of obstacles; why, oh why does the food gunk always choose to overflow at the handle where it is hardest to clean it up? But, since you say it has occurred, and the Oracle has no reason to think you would be so foolish as to lie to us, we will remind you of the universal phenomenon called ‘the irritation principle’. The way it plays out has thousands of examples similar to these: You go to plug in an appliance and nine times out of ten you have the plug going the wrong way and have to turn it over. Or you drop a piece of bread with something.... anything.... spread on it and it will most likely fall to the floor on the messy side. Or you lose some photos in a computer malfunction and all the pictures of your daughter’s wedding are wiped out, but the ones of Uncle Hermy with the straws up his nose are safe and sound. As will all laws of nature, one has to learn to live with them... as gracefully as possible. And oh, P.S. Your HEN wants reprimanding.
The Oracle is actually quite surprised that you allow ANY of your pots to boil over. We understand that you have a HEN in residence, is this not the case? I am assured by my sources that a HEN would not allow such an event to occur.
404 Error:
Dear Oracle of Questionable Origin,
Am I EVER going to successfully housebreak these Chihuahua puppies? The constant "accidents" are *really* starting to get to me. Not that I love my fur babies any less, but... ew, AND ick! The Oracle is above justifying ourselves and will not stoop to such discussions. However, just for the record, our origins have NEVER been in question. May the Fates be with you.
As for your question....
When one takes just a moment to fully contemplate the SIZE of a Chihuahua’s bowel and bladder, one will not be overly surprised at their lack of control of such minute alimentary organs. The Oracle can only suggest taking a week and designating it Potty Training Week. Have you heard of the concept for humans called Potty Training in a Day? We have heard of people having quite good success using this principle. The Oracle imagines that this approach might take longer when working with canines than two year old humans. Put your pups on ‘project status’. Potty training morning noon and night. Sort of like boot camp. Only it’s poop camp. You get the idea. Prioritize.
FutureCat:
I would ask the Oracle how much longer we have to put up with these %$@# aftershocks, but I think the answer would just depress me... Experience tells us that once those blasted plates get disturbed they behave very much the Drama Queens and take forever to get over it. They keep fussing here and there to put things back into some kind of balance again. Unfortunately for you, their obsession with re-arranging the furniture means your sleep and peace of mind will be disrupted. Perhaps some time spent in a hot air balloon, above the jittery earth would soothe your nerves? Either that or next time the earth moves, imagine some giant hulking homemaker moving the sofa to the other side of the room one more time to see if it looks better there.
The Oracle extends our sympathy toward you. We can both heartily agree that something that one should be able to take for granted, is that the Earth should NOT be doing the boogaloo pretty much EVER. One harbors the assumption that the foundation that we walk on and build our lives on is supposed to stand firm. Alas, it is not true. And that fact is a bitter pill indeed.
Supertrooper:
How come chocolate tastes so good ?
Chocolate tastes so good because it’s fattening. It pains us to say it, but there you have it.
The Oracle doesn’t want to be flippant because it’s unseemly. We could go on and on about the depth and complexity of its flavor and the wide variety of foodstuffs that are made with it that tempt us day in and day out. And the fact that you can’t grow it in your garden and whip up a batch yourself adds to its allure. But the answer, when you really get down to it is quite simple....