You Too Can Have Enormous Spam!

I just want to make one thing clear.

(Only ONE!?)

Don't start with me.

In case you may be thinking that I am in front of the computer every minute of the day because I may make a comment on your diary SECONDS after it has been posted........

I have my Outlook set up to play a sound clip when I get email. And I have it turned up pretty loud so I can hear it from almost everywhere in the house. So when I hear Creed singing, "Hello my friend we meet again, it's been a while, where shall we begin?" Accompanied by their satisfyingly loud guitar background, I know I have mail. So I stop what I am doing and come in here and read diaries or other emails.

Although sometimes, well, too often, the email is the precious and oh so welcome spam message telling me that I can become a freak of nature when it comes to the size of my male appendage. Some of them are downright insane.

This morning I briefly looked at one of these ads while I was deleting it... and to vent my frustration with the whole subject, I walked around getting ready for yoga class making up spam ads for enormous male appendages, while waving my hands around in the air.

"Get such a BIG male appendage that all women will refuse to have sex with you!" Contact us Today!

"Walk around with such a large male appendage that even horses will run from you in fear!" We take VISA and MASTER CARD.

"Amaze your friends, become a human coat rack!"

"Get a bigger male appendage and drive female whales WILD!"

Just send us your credit card number, social security number, mother's maiden name, home address, phone number, driver's licence number, and names of all your minor children, and their email addresses...... (we already HAVE yours!)

Somebody please find these people and cut off their....

Ahem...... internet access. I'm beggin' ya.

( Hey, that was more than one thing there Cupcake.)

Don't get on my nerves, I am very.....fragile right now!

Comments (8)

coolcatnatuk (Legacy)

I was just browsing the diaries and found this one. Thought it was hilarious! Thanks for brightening up my day heehee!
Nat xx
PS - I shall be nominating this entry, its the least I can do :)

Salamander (Legacy)

I'd be fragile too if someone persistenly failed to understand that I was perfectly happy with the nonexistant size of my male appendage.

Parett (Legacy)

Tears of hilarity are running down my face as I click the 'Reader Comment' button!!!
Do you know why they give Viagra to elderly men in convalescent(sp?) hospitals???? To keep them from falling out of bed.

Calichef (Legacy)

Sing it with me here:
Does your appendage hang low,
Does it wobble to and fro?
Can you tie it in a knot,
Can you tie it in a bow?
Can you throw it over your shoulder,
Like a continental soldier?
Does your appendage hang low?

Sorry about that bit of borderline vulgarity, but I just couldn't help myself. They say I have a slight problem with impulse control. (She does.) (No she doesn't!) (Yes!) (No!!!) (Aw, shaddup.) (You first!)

sezrah (Legacy)

spam, the bane of our internet connections. especially those gross genital-enlarging ones, grrr
i loved your impromptu ads though, thanks for the laugh, hehe

sez

bookworm (Legacy)

Lol, thanks for the giggle. ;-)

CaraSusanetta (Legacy)

Thanks for the laugh! As you (or one of your subpersonalities) would say, "Write on!". Regarding Parret's comment, maybe we can euphemistically refer to it as a kickstand instead of an appendage?

waterspriteflying (Legacy)

Oh, TOO funny! I forwarded the entry to Bruce. We have endless conversations about huge male appendages. I tell him, bigger is not better. Bigger is PAIN. He says, Oh, come on. Women have Babies there. If you can get a baby out, then you can put a really, really big appendage in. Men. Wonder if anyone's ever mentioned to him that childbirth hurts?

Hugs from (still lol)
Ani