I need a good wife.
I need someone who is willing to stay at home and take care of the day to day work that a well-run household requires. These tasks would include:
Caring for an aging family pet. Making my lunch every day so I don't have to worry about it. Organizing the finances, doing all the book work and taking care of all the forms that need filling out and the phone calls that need to be made. Going to the bank. Keeping track of when the car insurance will be due and making sure we have money set aside for that. Balancing the checkbook. Dealing with the bank when they decide one day to add extra charges to our mortgage payment (just for fun). Doing the shopping, making sure we are well-stocked with food and all the other various and sundry items that we need to run our house.
I also need this person to clean the house from top to bottom and periodically clean out cupboards and closets and drawers so we can actually find what we are looking for. They will also clean the toilets so I won't have to. Then there is cooking and meal planning. That would be great, then I wouldn't have to worry about what's for dinner. And if I'm really hungry for a certain food I could even ask for it be prepared for me. Neat!
It would also be great to have a wife to make sure the garden stays neat and free of weeds and that the vegetables get picked and either canned or dried or frozen so we can have them for wintertime. It would be a nice touch for there to the flowers in the garden, so when we get invited to people's houses we can take fresh flowers as a gift.
This wife could also make handmade quilts for the babies of friends and family. It's such a personal touch don't you think? And then of course there is the laundry. It would really make it nice if I always had clean clothes when I looked in my drawers and closets. So really I could work full-time with a clear conscience and without worry if I had a wife. Shoot, I might even enjoy my job out here in the big wide world if I knew that someone was at home taking care of all this myriad of details.
And there is another particularly nice thing that is often overlooked about having a wife. Someone is home. This means that if there is a family emergency large or small, she would be available to answer questions or take messages and relay the news when any of the children are headed to the hospital to have their baby or get their appendics out or that they got that promotion or the real estate agent closed the deal on their new house. You know a real person at home. A person who keeps the home fires burning, the goats milked, and the chickens fed. And if I was really fortunate, there would be homemade bread cooling by the window when I came home from work. And even though I hesitate to mention such a delicate subject, maybe she wouldn’t be so very tired and stressed out, and might even be interested in having an intimate moment or two when the lights go out.
I wonder where I can find myself such a paragon of virtues? Who could find such a jewel? Her worth would be far above rubies.