It is 1:37 in the morning.
And I am wide awake.
I am in no physical or emotional distress.
I am just wide awake at 1:37 in the morning.
Why?
Don't have a clue. You can call me Clueless in America. I have never been a night owl. . .until recently. I once was accused of distrusting night owls, and at the time I denied it. But I have to admit that I think all decent God-fearing people should be in bed sleeping at this hour. Unless you are at work, then you are allowed to be up. Otherwise, get to bed and get to sleep. That's the way I used to look at it.
Now I am having to re-think my whole outlook on the subject, because really there is nothing more monotonous than lying in bed when you are wide awake. But it's just one of those hormone induced things that I am trying to deal with these days.
You know I never did like roller coasters. They paralyse me with fear. But I feel like I am on one now, and sometimes the operator of said roller coaster just goes home for the night, and leaves the thing running, with me in it. All I can do is curl up in a ball and hold on for dear life praying he'll wake up in the middle of the night and think, 'Did I leave that roller coaster running?' and decide to come on down and check so I can get the heck off this thing.
So tell me, what kind of right of passage is this menopause thing anyway? What is it I am supposed to learn from THIS condition? Humility? Dang, I learned that a LONG time ago from raising 3 sons. Just give THAT a try. It will have you crawling on your belly in abject humility in no time at all. How about Endurance? Nope, got that down too. I endured teenagerdom for those same 3 sons. And did not do away with any of them in nefarious ways. (Although it did occur to me from time to time, to do so.)
Mayhap, my right of passage is to get in touch with my masculine side. Or to release the "inner bitch". Actually, I think she is gathering strength even as we speak, preparing for a grand debut someday soon. Funny, I am not looking forward to THAT coming out party with any kind of enthusiasm.
Anyway, while I contemplate these existential conundrums. . .
It is now 2:07 in the morning.
And I am wide awake.
Comments (6)
I raise one son, the ride isn't that bad yet. Of course he's only just six and still hugs and kisses me all the time...I know my days are coming.
*fairywishes*
p.s. a sausage roll is sausage meat rolled into tubular shape, wrapped in shortcrust pastry and cooked like a pie
I guess great minds think alike. :)
Last year I not only had insomnia but I was wide awake ALL night for about a week with panic attcks. I'm still finding mistakes at work in billing and Insurance from lack of sleep.. I finally had to seek medical help and after two or three weeks of only a couple of hrs. sleep I finally found a sleep aid that worked. They immediately put me on Paxil but it took three weeks for it to fully kick in.
It was definitely an affect of menopause but also a reaction to my daughter's very stressful pregnancy. The problem turned clinical so I needed something to rebalance my body chemistry. After the six months they recommended on meds. I weaned myself off and have been fine ever since. I just have a hard time disciplining myself to get to bed at a decent hour. Oh! I also gained twenty five pounds when I went off Paxil. Just what I needed...right Cupcake? (Am I really buying a dozen Krispy Kremes?) Don't you just hate those pesky little hormones???
You are in my prayers as is S and everyone else suffering from this crazy hormonal thing. I can't believe I came to this planet with half a functioning brain and...HORMONES!
Take care and God bless. Love you, Parett