In the middle of all this, I found myself feeling sad because no one will be home all day. The house will be empty. No good smells from baking will drift out the windows, no music will play on the stereo, nothing will get done on my story, no sewing will get done, no gourds will get created, no communications with family, no walks with friends, no cleaning or organizing, no songs will be played on the piano, no books read, no vegetables canned or dried, no weeds pulled or flowers picked.
I could go on and on. I feel like a deserter today. Like I'm leaving behind some important task that I'll be sorry for later. And most importantly I will not have had time to think. I'm becoming aware that this is the most important thing for me.
I'm a contemplative personality and I've been thrown into an atmosphere where deep thinking is non- existant. I am truly a fish out of water. My best creative ideas and my best work have come during times of relaxed contemplation. A state that I have hardly been able to achieve these last many weeks.
There are some people who thrive on deadlines and adrenaline highs. May God bless them. But I am not one of them. Because I made the commitment to finish this job for the next seven weeks -- I will. But when it's over I don't plan on ever working full time again unless I absolutely have to out of necessity. The clock is chiming and I don't even have time to finish this -- Sigh. . . I have to go now.