Struggling | DearDiary.Net

It is really difficult when someone you love isn't happy. Ofcourse I'm talking about Michelle. She is taking summer courses with me. However, her classes are considerably harder, Calculus and Intermediate Chemistry. The chemistry class in paticular has been stressing her out. She is not getting what is going on in the lecture. She is getting a C, something that she is very unhappy with. I told her just to be happy with passing, but she only focuses on her G.P.A. I think she still is trying to be accepted to UCLA, even though she has told me UC Davis would be fine. I don't mind her ambition, it's the weight that she puts on her self that bothers me. It takes a toll on her and eventually translates to our relationship.

I have said everything that I could think of to help her cope, but it seems like nothing I say will allow her to release some of the burdon she is carrying. I know at times I don't make it easy for her either. I have my stress and it's an added load for her. Not to mention we're spending way too much. At the current rate, we could go broke. That would be utterly devasting. The only help would be her dad. Though he doesn't like to help us. He'd help her if she wasn't with me, but since I'm with her, he thinks I'm using her. *for what, is what I'm thinking* She knows better so I don't have to explain that.

The only positive thing for today is that Michelle found a scholorship for people who overcame life-threatening diseases to attend college and get over a 3.0 gpa. My tumor helps me qualify for that. The only thing is that they require 20 volunteer hours. Not sure how to fit that into my life. Though for the $5,000 I will jump through whatever hoops they want.

Sometimes you wonder, does God really get involved with finances? Does he really bless some and not others? Though even if he did, why would he bless me? I'm doing horrible spritually lately. Maybe I'll win the lottery! Wait, I don't play the lottery. *not with those kinds of psychotic odds* Maybe a nice philanthropist is reading this right now and waiting to get my address to make all my troubles go away. LOL, yeah right. I think I need a second, better paying job.

Thanks for your comment on my diary...Yes, I know not to let my anger get a hold of me- I suppose I was just venting...I really do want to experience love making and not a one night stand kinda thing...And you are so right- I don't want an std or a baby right now- I can wait for a baby down the road in my future with a good guy and not with one who doesn't know what the hell he wants or needs....And to respond to your entry here- I don't see you as the type of person who would use a person- you seem to be a good guy so I don't see how her dad would be thinking that- I mean I only know you through here and already I can tell your a good guy....Have no worries about finances I am sure something will come up- it usually and almost always does;)

*hugs*
~Chrissy~

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