Ok, so I don't put jokes often on here, but when it's funny, I do. Ok, here goes nothing. Sorry guys for ratting ya out. Just thought the girls would like this.
THE GUY DICTIONARY
CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Translated: "I have no idea how it works."
"I CAN'T FIND IT." Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND." Translated: "That girl standing on the corner is a real babe."
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES." Translated: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Translated: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU." Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE." Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." Translated: "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."
2 Aug 2001 - Another Funny
I'm on a roll. :) Check this one out.
One day God was looking down at Earth
and saw all of the evil that was going on.
He decided to send an angel down to
Earth to check it out.
So he called on a female angel and sent
her to Earth for a time. When she
returned she told God, yes it is bad
on Earth, 95% are bad and
about 5% are good.
.
Well, he thought for a moment and said
maybe I had better send down a male
angel to get both points of view. So God
called a male angel and sent him to Earth
for a time. When the male angel returned he
went to God and told him yes the Earth is in
decline, 95% are bad and 5% are good.
God said this is not good. He decided to
E-mail the 5% that were good and encourage
them ,a little something to keep them going.
Do you know what that e-mail said?
?
?
?
?
?
?
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?
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?
You didn't get one either?
Comments (1)
You and Yarngirl should get together to start a time warp business. You guys certainly seem to love traveling backwards through my diary. ;-)
Keep in mind, though you have many things going right for you, and you should be thankful for them, that does not mean you don't have it pretty darn bad. Quite frankly, you have many reasons to be stressed/freaked/near postal on many days. Sometimes I wonder why you're not insane. Then I remember - God and Michelle. And probably a little bit of venting in DD.
Part of why you should let go of this bitterness towards people like your family - the same reason you're thinking of going cold. They did go cold. They did decide, I had a miserable life so I'm going to make others miserable. Would hate to see you do that. The other part? Look back at those entries that are venting about those people. (I'll wait.) ........ Now. Ask yourself. Who are you hurting? (If you don't know the answer to this question, you really need to read through your psychology books.)
What did Sam say in LOTR: Two Towers? Something about the basic moral to all those heroic stories being that there is good in this world and it's worth fighting for?
What's one of my favorite quotes? From the Shawshank Redemption: "Remember, hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things."
What's another favorite quote? From Abraham Lincoln: "If you look for the bad in mankind expecting to find it, you surely will."
Random answer: 'Nuff said.
>^..^<