Today was crazy. First off, had 4 of the 5 classes i'm registered today. After that, I seen Jeff. Apparently, he was looking all over for me. So we talk, he is hungry, so is donald, so we go get lunch. I decide to treat, they are low on money. *aint like I got all that much, but i'm kind* SO we eat, have good time, then leave. Donald heads home. Jeff walks with me.

We talk, go back on campus. Is dead. See romero. Talk. Jeff looks at apartment magazines and starts naming off luxiours features. I retort back with how it would be for a house in my area. Like one place said, oversizded patio with walkin closet. I say, undersized patio with just a clothesline. After awhile of that, I was kinda laughing and crying about it at same time. Is oddest feeling in the whole wide world. They thought it was cause I was laughing tears were coming out, but was sadness.

So we walk to Jeff's bus. He is concerned we don't have God talks anymore. Says I'm not that christian. I fire back with a "they way you act with Avina and watching that one video isn't that christian either" *he watched this one video with girl bouncin up and down* ANyways, we go on bus.

On bus, there are some wild girls. Like dancin with bus poles and stuff. They flirt with jeff. THey get off. I tell him I wish someone would do that with me. He said they're too immature and plus he got avina. So we talking, and he asks who I admire. Who I want to be like. I tell him, You JEFF. He says, ME?!! You don't wanna be like me". I tell him indeed I do. He says, "My life isn't perfect, i'm not happy" I said that's cause you don't appreciate what you got. I wish I had all that you got. I wish I had a girlfriend that loved me. Wish had a nice place. Stuff paid for. Loving parents, skills on guitar, lots of friends. Even your looks, you look better. *he does look better than me* After I tell him all that, he is just in shock. I'm in near tears. *aren't i so emotional* He ends up having to get off bus kinda speechless.

I ride back listening to sad music. Feel sorry for self, go home. *yup, pathetic but i do* I call jeff from at home, just to talk. I end up watching boy meets world with em. Was cool, though I offended him when I talked about his mom. *I called later to apologize* I get off phone and just turn off lights in my room, go lay on bed.

As I wake, I notice its 9. Megan told me earlier she would call. I decided to make first move. I call, she ain't there. I go back again and go back into self-pity. She calls at 10. SHe is like, Hey what's up? I say just nothing. *in sad tone* she is like, what's wrong? I say nothing. She's like, oh, one of them moods. So she starts talking bout giving out her number to too many guys and stuff. She then tells me she got another call and she will call me back. She does, in 5 mins. By then, I'm back deep in self-pity. I answer sadder. She's like, What's wrong tino? I say, I hate my life. She says, YOU HATE YOUR LIFE? Why, you got alot of friends. I say, its not that. *after that, I realize, did i really tell her that, I did, oh no* She's like, why don't you eat some ice cream and just sleep. I tell her, I can't even get any, my fridge don't work. WOuld melt. I'm poor like that. She's like, Oh. She then says, can I call you back tomorrow, when do you wake up. Do you wake at noon. I say yeah. She says, What do you want me to do, stay on line, get off, what? *in nice way* I say, I dunno, whatever you want to do. She says, I'm jsut scared right now, just have happy thoughts and dream away. Goodnight. I say bye. She hangs up.

I'm in tears feeling bad then realizing, WHAT HAVE I DONE! I let her behind my emotional wall. I musta not been thinking. What's so bad about that? Nothing, just I think is too soon and were not that close. I think my problems are too much for her too. She is too happy and stuff. We'll see tomorrow, I'll find out if she really wants to know me or what. After that, go online, chat to nicole *waves*, I do most chatting, talking about how I will never have anyone, etc. She trys to reassure me, just, I keep on finding reason why I won't have one. *ALL VALID TOO* Anyways, that is all. ~END~