Finally, finally, finally, I will be graduating from college. Though this comes oh, maybe 4 years later than I had anticipated. I feel as though I have gained a lot through studying psychology, but now I wonder if I should've pursued something more intensive than that (not that it was easy because it was hell too). I probably shouldn't have been so afraid of neurology, physiology, and chemistry. Plus, part of me is disappointed that this is only my B.A., not my Ph.D. On top of that, not taking some additional statistics in psychology courses mean that I can't apply to top flight graduate schools. (or even many middle of the road ones like CSUS) So while the 14th (of June) will be the completion of a day I thought would never come (graduating from UC Davis with a culmitive GPA of maybe 3.3, 3.4) I still feel as though I didn't live up to my potential. I mean, I should be happy. Poor family, one of the worse rated high schools in the state (sacramento high school had to be taken over) and no mentor, I got myself farther than most who come from a similar background. Though I was identified as bright (G.A.T.E.) when younger, I guess that was never really cultivated and thus won't achieve my hope of being some eminent psychologist.

Just picked up the tickets for the ceremony. I gotta hurry it up and distribute them. I'll see my mom so that'll be the bulk. Though still gonna get one to Ray and my friend alex. (though he's still a bit on the bubble) Gonna see if anyone else happens to ask me for one. There'd only be one, maybe two other people that could possibly ask me. If they did, they'd instantly be accommodated for, but I know how people are and they want to be asked. Though now would be such short notice; especially for an out-of-towner. We'll see.. Michelle's family is supposed to come. God help us.... Hopefully we can get that $70 back from her parents we're spending TO RENT, not buy, just rent a cap and gown. (breaking my balls....) They usually bring a lil dough, so we'll see.

I got freaked out today as we (Michelle and I) went to the university and they said she owes 1k and I owe 1.3k. I definately am suppose to have a 0 balance. Now they got to investigate or something. No hold on the diplomas though. I got nervous and had to check that I was officially awarded one. (I am) Hopefully the nightmares about taking a final I didn't prepare for go away. LOL, seriously.

In other news, Ray is helping me learn to drive....yup, 28 and no drivers license. Permit though. Had to get one as Ray wouldn't teach me til I got one. (he's always about being a legal eagle) Every Sunday for the last month or so we've been out there for literally hours at a time. I only drove in real traffic the last couple of times. On top of doing all this, he hasn't charged me and hasn't even let me really pay him back. Its these acts of goodness that make me reconsider my atheism at times. It really makes me want to believe again. I sometimes wonder if other atheists would convert if they could just see this nice, non-judgmental side of religion. Though part of me realizes that some just want to live restriction free and loathe the rigid self-control that is necessary to be a true follower. So yeah...speaking of Ray, my mom and even myself have thought about matching him up with my lil sister. Both are single and both are virgins due to faith. (or so she says, but I do not think she is lying, but think she has did more than kissing) I mean, Vanessa is always dating jerky, immature guys who don't want to respect her vow to wait for marriage. Ray has had trouble finding someone who is willing to wait and not come on so strong. Though I think that is where the similarities break down. I mean, I think Ray would be great for Vanessa. He's a lil less outgoing than what she is usually with but he is willing to wait and is very mature and caring. The problem is that Ray is a prude. I mean, I think he is cool, but he says things like he doesn't like girls to wear jewelery or even clothes that emphasize their shape. I mean, he said he would seriously like an amish chick. Its why he says he likes older chicks. I said, "ray, what if she was like, perfectly religious and all that but she was fat and hard to look at? You still like her?" He says, "You know, age, weight, etc isn't really that important to me. (who says that?!) I just want someone who knows who they are, isn't all caught up in the world and is just sweet. (or something like that) He has also implied on more than one occasion his strong support for traditional gender roles and has expressed interest in having a girl who "knows how to whip up a homemade meal". Have you seen Vanessa see for yourself She is still young. (mentally and physically) She is very sweet but does wear things a bit revealing (sometimes) and seems like she wants more modern gender roles. Plus, while she was socialized with Adventist beliefs, she doesn't really follow them. Ray is huge on following what SDA's believe and tries to actually live it out. Plus, there is the whole ockwardness. I mean, he knew her since she was a baby. (they have a 7 year age gap) So yeah...Who knows, maybe its just something that's fun to wonder about. Whoever he gets though, I know he'll be a great guy for her. Though as I like to bring up to him "whoever it is, I just know one day you're gonna call and brag about her churning butter for you" Michelle however, says they don't make those kind in Sacramento. Maybe not....

Besides all that, just here, still looking to work somewhere and then move. This place is just so atrocious now; with the new neighbor literally screaming her business outside and openly sparing with the manager. The joys of apartment living....I don't want lil tinoz to grow up here. Just not a place for him...So how is he anyway? Well he's 13 1/2 months. Not too much change. He walks with utter ease. He really is into imitating now though. Like, if he sees a cat, he will make a meow sound. Not a very good one, but you know he's mimicking the m sound. He LOVES cats. He LOVES chasing my mom's cat and just seeing them on youtube. If the restrictions here didn't prohibit a cat, we'd have one. I miss having a cat around. So yeah, he mimics a lot. Argue and he'll start to get loud! Though he gets startled even when you just use hostile words, so you can't really even get an argument going when he's around. He seems to know the meaning of some words and can understand a couple of directions. He is also quite clingy now. Its ok but he absolutely freaked when Ray came over. He kept looking at him and then crying but still keeping an eye on him. It was funny actually. Ray kept trying to play with him and he still didn't warm up that much. Though did laugh after awhile. He did fine with her parents which made us wonder if he wasn't familiar/comfortable with black people. Or just could be he was unfamiliar. No worries, he'll learn to be comfortable with whoever as he ages. Those things he'll pick up from me/Michelle. (odd thought: if Vanessa got with Ray, and lil bro got with a white girl, we'd have every race represented. Michelle being the asain, my big bro's girl being latina) Could have something to do with this: America's most diverse city So yeah, I'll leave you with that for now. Later