Ok, here I am, um, 1 in the morning. Listening to happy love songs. Old ones. Like Heatwave's Always and Forever and Bloodstone's Natural High. Funny thing, I'm only 20. THough I always liked this music probaly cause I always heard it while growing up. WHile at the time I almost hated music as a whole, now I'm starting to really enjoy. Though I'm not sure why i'm listening to silly love songs. Don't even have anyone. It only makes me sad. Why do I do this? not sure, ok, I know why, its cause they in a sense provide hope for me. When I hear songs like After 7's Ready or NOt makes me feel like it is possible to to so happy with someone that you'd want them forever.

While my mind is on it, I always wonder what my wife will be like. *listening to New Edition's Can't Stand the Rain* I'm sure if i married her she will be great. :) I just hope I can keep up the love. I hear too much about apathetic marriages. Frankly, they scare me. I never want to see the love of my life sitting there remembering the "good ol days" I want everyday to be those days, always. *now Selena's dreaming of you is playing,glad i have so many songs downloaded* Wow, this song is deep. wish someone was looking apon a star thinking about me. Is funny, i listen to these songs and determine what love is. Not sure if that is rational, but is what I do. Why depend on songs, probaly cause I don't have any experience of it, so I have to go by word of mouth. *Jodeci, forever my lady*

I dunno why I am depending on some "person" to make me happy. I guess i just want to have someone who is just cares, who wonders how my day went, is happy just to see me, who is curious to learn about me and who I am on inside. And of course, i'd do same. And together, we could tackle whatever problem and be happy that we got each other to depend on. That shared strenght. *who knows, maybe that someone is Megan* Oh, how I sit here many nights and yearn for that. *should be yearning for God* If only he could hug me when I need it, would be cool. Anyways, I'm off, not sad, i know i'm coming off as such, but i'm not. Just kinda, don't know. Sad is not word though. Ok ok, enough of this, time to just listen to songs and do what I sometimes do. LOL. I, LOL, pretend I really do have someone while listening to the songs. I know, pathetic. Though i must say makes song better. Is stupid though cause once i'm done with songs, i realize that I was just fooling myself. And I don't really have anyone that is will to spend eternity with me.