The spelling should be inter3esting on her in that I'm lying with my eyes closed on my sofa while typing. Did I say that already? Anyways, where was I?? Oh yeah, mopping around again.

Ahh yes, moppiness. Kinda fun in its own right. I guess I just feel purposeless. I think life has no purpose again. Ugh, such an infectious thought that is. Its hard to believe anyone because it seems most people are delusional. Then again, maybe I am the delusional one. As I like to say, the crazys don't know theyir crazy. LOL. Maybe in some cases........ like this occasion.

Sometimes I think that I just need a big global hug. LIke, if everytone were to hug me and cclap, that'd be just fine. I guess I'm really lonely on the inside. That's really unusual in that I'm married. HELLO. Yet, I feel that me and here have connected as one as it is. Thougn now I just want to know others and connect. We're all we have here on this giant spinning circle. At the same time, no amount of people loving me and stuff could make me feel better about dieing. I mean, i have this gut feeling that there isn't anything eles I wasn't here before and I won't be here after. I hope there is some osrt of purgatory where I could do some penance or have some moron try to convert me. LOL.

Aren't a bunch of ppl gonna be surprised by the afterlife. That is, if we get the chance to survive. you know, I could imagine someone saying "look in your heart for the truth. that is where God will guide you. *smile* maybe. Though so far all I see is some sort of biochemical enity trying to fulfill this sense of fo r whatelse to do in this big place.

This is fun. I love this no look typing.

Actually, I'm in a semi tream state. I'm thinking, what if I gave my students the web address. That'd be interesting. Though given to words I use, it might be hard for them to read this crap. Speaking of which, I dunno what I'm bringing to the party on Thursday. We have parties on special occasions. This occassion is to celebrate the end of summer school and the departure of Casandra. She's off to be a professor at a nearby city college.

It's all coming together for her. SHe got her masters and is notw a professor. She just bought a new home and seems fairly happy. Just, I think even with all that, I won't be ok. I mean, what is there to get. More stuff? Status?? Blaaah.

To be honest, I wish I never questioned my faith or anything of that sort. LIfe is less happy that way. I thought it'd solidify my belief, much as it has done for others. Though I suppose most already kinda believed, just they put it on the back burner until they succeded in solidifying thier career. That's what Erik Erickson says. So if he is right, I will question till around 30, where i will reflect back on my accomplishments and either be happy with it or try a career change. Then, after I'm done focusing on myself, I will focus more on Michelle. That is supposely fol.lowed by looking out side yourself. You start to give to charity and guard over the life of your family or signifcant others. Maybe I just can't jump over these life sages. Maybe I've read too much philosophy.

Now what?? Dunno. Me and Michelle are gonna exercise in August. For real this time. NO really. She wants to get in shape and perhaps get some improvements to her rack. :D Not my idea, she just wants to try to have some more doors open for her. *career wise* And sadly, that is how our society works. People like the image, not the person. I mean, God only knows how many comments thre'd be down there if I was percieved as an actor. I bet you guys would even appreciate my detailed comments more. Life is just weird like that. LOL. I mean, how'd u feel if I Billy Graham and I left you some advice??

I guess that's all. I have more but if I let myself, i'll ramble for 2 hours. Then again, its my diary. Hmm, anything else??? Oh yeah, I love scrubs.

Hope to hear from you guys. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ............................................... Take care. Don't forget to update. I do read ur stuff. I may not say much, but I do read i. Sleepy now. I'm thinking about counter strike. I suck on that game but don't I love it. Yup, that's it, I'm empty. Later.