Today was among one of my more depressing days unfortuatly. Woke up frezzing my butt off. Can't take shower. Fridge still broke. Lil bro and sis are being bad. Not only that, they ain't even playing with thier gifts I bought them. Eventually I manage to leave my room and go to living room.

WHile there, Jeff calls. Was briefly happy that he called. Atleast someone in my life cares. We talk alot. He doesn't help. HE is talking about how he was at the game yesterday and how he got nothing to eat. Yet,when I asked him to name off what he called nothing, he had 10 different things. After me pointing that out to him, he realized what he does have. He asked what I had. Told him, nothing. He's like nothing? I say yes, NOThing, not your kind of nothing, but the real kind of definition. So then we switch gears and he wants me to watch 7th Heaven. I watch the show and just gets me more down. They call those problems. And even those trivial things are solved. Jeff is like, see, it all works out good at the end. I laugh. I tell him that's cause its tv. In real life, doesn't happen like that.

A lil more talking and he's like, what's wrong. Tell him nothing. He's like, you crying? Tell him no. He's like oh. Ok. Its ok if you are. I tell him indeed I am crying. He's like why? I tell him all the problems. NOt just where not having stuff but I don't even have family that is close. No girlfriend. SUcked in school. Doing terrible as a christian. Got a tumor. I'm poor. Feel ugly. Feel like I've accomplished nothing. *I can go on*

He's like, oh tino. He's like, you need to get out that house. Tell him I can't move. He's like no, like go to arcade. Go hang out. Do something fun. So we talk some more, eventually I think he becomes a bit frustrated after all this advice he gives and he asks, you ok now? I tell him, He just don't get it. The advice doesn't change a thing. Life still sucks. He's like, I dunno what to say, I know a funny movie that's on. Shows me the movie, then has to get off.

Later, after the tears, I call him and thank him for the advice and for listening. He asks if I'm mad at him. Tell him no. *not sure how he'd get that from that* He has Avina on other line so I let him go. Watch more tv while curled up on couch with my blanket. Eventually I turn around and just fall asleep. Get up later to find my mom is again back. Seems the plumber came and fixed the neighbors thing, so we can now flush. Also, we got some plyers to turn the shower on. Before I go in, my mom asks if I took my pills. Tell her no. SHe says take them. I do. Off to the shower I go.

WHile in the shower, i just sit there and think. Try to cheer self up. Try not to focus on what everyone has and what I don't. Try to focus on what I do have. Helps little. Get dressed and decide to get on computer and write this entry.

As of now, not feeling all that great, just out of tears right now. Face is a lil swollen, that'll go down. Got to eat dinner soon. Damn, I hate these kind of days. Atleast this is the first one like this THIS break. I thought the whole winter break I'd be sad. So far has been ok. Anyways, that is all, maybe later I type more. Maybe not. ~END~