It's been about 3 months since the doctors first discovered my tumor. The reason I mention this is because on my last entry, I was acting all sad cause I didn't have a girlfriend. I forgot to realize that I was very close to dieing just a few months ago. Some of you might be wondering, how did you know you had a tumor. Well, I didn't. Here's the story.

It all started in late December. I started to get intense headaches. At first I thought they were migraines, but then I thought it was just the stress in my house. SO for the next couple of months I noticed the headaches were getting worse and my vision in my eyes were going to. I was no longer able to see the fine print on commercials. SO eventally I got glasses for the first time. The eye doctor was like, your eye seems ocward, see an optomologist. Even though I never did. The reason, they keep delaying me. So I just thought the computer was to blame. I even stopped going on hoping my eyes would work again. Everything seemed ok when I took my lil bro and sis to see their dad. (yes, seperate dads) The thing that made me go to the emergency room was cause I went through a stroke. But as I came to find out, it wasn't my heart, it was something in my head. As the doc explained, 19 y/o's don't get strokes due to heart problems. SO they sent me in for MRI. THat is when they found the tumor. It was on the right side of my head, on my pituitary gland. The pituitary gland releases all the hormones in your body. That is the reason why I look like a 13 y/o. I never went through puberty. Never a pimple, or nothing. I just thought I was a late bloomer. ANyways, when they broke the news to me, I wasn't scared. Don't know why, just didn't. I was more worried that my family won't take it right. Even while they were preparing me for surgery I was preaching to my family. Telling them not to cry that long, cause if they believed in God, they'd see me again. I never even let them see me cry. The only time I started to get scared was when the surgeon came in, told me the surgery could be life threating. OR I could come out with eye sight. The reason, part of the tumor was on my nerves to my eyes. I really got scared when they wheeled me in. I realized my next waking moment could be in hell.

When I woke up, I was happy, though scared. When I looked around, the room was all purple. THat was due to the drugs they put into me. The surgery was 8 hours long. (Yes, they got the whole thing out) Later, when I woke to watch tv, I realized my eyes were better again. :) After I got out, everyone told me how much they loved me and how they're lives would have been ruined if I was dead. I was so happy they had said that, cause I never hear the word love applied to me.

Well, fast-forward to now, I still have to take some hormone pills. I also got to get some testostorone and growth shots. Trust me, after my near death experience, suicide is now out of the question for me. It always should've been out of the questione, especailly since I believe in God, but times get tough some times. Well, I guess this experience has raised my faith. I guess what doesn't kill you only makes ya stronger.