A lot of things happened the last few days. Me and Michelle are ok again. Though for a while there I started to considered moving plans for the first time in our relationship. Me and my mom argued about how much rent she owes and how she needs to be her debts. So that was crazy. Then there was a dispute I just caused.

I normally don't like to cause disputes. They usually are a waste of energy. Most are pointless as perhaps this one is too. However, I just decided to. So this is how it started. My lil sister was online when she remarked about being on my bro's myspace. Intrigued, I went on.

I can't say that I was surprised by what I saw and heard. He still thinks he's hard core. Click if you wish *by the way, he didn't design that site. His girl did, and she used something like pimpmyspace.com ANyways, so I'm there thinking of a few jokes and thus decided to drop him the following message:

Me:"Ahhh, look at the baby blue shirt you have on. LOL, what are you 4? Just like your lil kid photo where you were a sailor. Arg..ahoy matey

You the hulK? Yeah right. *he says the Hulk is about him* More like Bruce Banner minus the brains. So what do you turn baby blue when you're angry?

You still making music that makes William Hung run in horror? *he sings "hardcore rap"* I seriously think that he can sing better than you. He sure did make more money than you.

So how's life being T-mobile's lil sales bitch? Is that fatass boss of yours still treating you like his lil pussy? Or did they allow you manage the monkeys yet.

Oh yeah, that monkey did look like you. Cept the monkey looks smarter. *he has a pic of him holding a stuffed baby monkey*

Well, hope NOT too see you around. Don't be playing the violens about your life and me.

P.S., you and Curtis look like a CUTE COUPLE. When's the wetback due to be born? Curtis looks overdo already. Though something tells me Curtis isn't the girl in the realtionship"

So I show michelle and she gets a quick laugh at it. Then he calls my mom and tells her what I said. Then, he drops me the following message:

Him: hey you,

i know you dont think so, but i miss you. one day maybe we can forget about the bad things that happened to us. not forget, but let it go and understand that lifes not perfect. if we are truly smart and mind strong we will make the second part of our lives as good as possible. our lives may sometimes feel meaningless, but oh well! have as much fun as you can and enjoy yourself. i wish that i could be apart of you but i understand your frustration and resentment. id hate me too. however i have changed alot more than you think or can imagine. since ive moved on my own and got away from everyone elses problems, i got my mind together. it feels nice. i will never hate you or look down on you for anything because i understand you. youll change too when the time is right, im sure of it. if you ever want to talk to me or hang out, let me know. whenever youre ready ill be here with open arms. sorry for me giving you a rough childhood. i love you and will look toward better times:) "

Now then, to the untrained eye, this looks sincere and like he's matured. Though apon further investigation, you'll notice that he doesn't apologize for what he did in the recent past. He doesn't say sorry to Michelle at all. Never bothered to make a real effort to make things ok on his own. Plus, his behavior hasn't changed towards me. Here's my response:

ME: "I know you miss me. I tried to be hella nice to you for the longest. Maybe you finally see that blood is thicker than water. I see that you realize that you fucked up. But you still don't get it. You never really apologized for what you did. You never came to me and gave me a geniune apology for all yor behavior. All you done is basically say, "Hey, the past is in the past, let's move on". Though the past is a good indicator of the person. Plus, more importantly, you haven't paid back for your mistakes. You broke my laptop, fucked up my childhood AND the beginning of my adulthood. You were mead to my girlfriend and never apologize for that. You still don't bother to call before you come. I mean, if you cared so much about "changing" then you would respect the rules of my place.
You and Angela were very mean to Michelle. She didn't do anything to you guys and yet you allowed Angela to be a bitch and you did things like come in the bathroom while we were SHOWERING! A simple, my bad isn't going to cover it. My bad covers, "sorry about dropping juice on your shirt. My bad, I got loud with you."

So its about making up for what you did. I got you out of jail for shooting at us at a cost of over $2000. My reward, attacking me and my girlfriend, threatening to kill me and continued disrespect.
Plus, you never gave what I asked of you. You gave what you thought was necessary for me to "squash" this. This has always been about you relieving your own guilt instead of making things ok according to me.
And you haven't changed, you'd still kick my ass if I got you mad. You'd still disrespect Michelle if you lived with us. You'd still treat your friends better than your family. That's who you are. You have this low self esteem and you went out and looked for other people to approve of you. And look, your efforts paid off. Kinda. Friends are only conditional. As long as you treat them a certain way and make them feel they way they want, they'll be there for you. But you made a choice. Yeah, you didn't know what the fuck you were doing at 15, but you know now and continue to do that. Your still caught up by the culture and impressing others. Just look at your profile.
I'm not about that. That is another reason we will never get along. You worry what your friends will think. I could give a damn. I think its idiotic to worry about those fools who think they are something. Life has a greater meaning than getting high at some party with "tight" music with your friends and some chick. We aren't here for that. You're caught up in some old white guys ideas on how to keep you down. Yup, old white guy. Who do you think provides the clowns you call "rappers" and drugs. The drugs didn't come from some homies. They came from some fuckers that are looking to keep you as thier servants. They have you focused on yourselves as opposed to creating meaningful change in the world.

By the way, I don't hate you, for hate implies feeling. I am indifferent towards you. *the opposite of love* I really could care less. I caught a quick laugh at poking fun of you but I don't care about you thinking you got your act together. I think what you mean is that "Since I got a stable set of friends and money, I don't focus solely on getting them. I am more aware of the consequences of my actions." I think that is true. Though that isn't enough for me to know that you know you fucked up and know you perfected your manipulations of people. *your still doing it, but I won't tell friends or mate* I just don't see a genuine effort to fix things. You know what they say, talk is cheap. Actions speak louder than words.
So I have this to say to you, put your money where your mouth is. Stop trying to convince all your friends and mamma that you are sorry about what happened. The most important person to convince is me. Though I don't think that is what is bugging you. It's thier approval. Its always been about what "they" think of you. I wish you had some internal morals instead of looking outside of yourself. If you really wanted things fixed, you would've came to me first, not last.

By the way, its not about me coming to you. Its about you coming to me. So arrogant. Like I was the one who fucked up and your willing to forgive me. "with open arms" Pluheze......."

So that's where it stands now. I hate to hold grudges but I do feel that he never tried to make me feel better. He just tells his story to his friends. Like this girl in Raleys *store* who says how sad it is that I can't forgive him. *one of his friend's girlfriends, her name is bre* This isn't the first time I have known of him circulating stories of me being the bad guy. In the past, he used to taunt me about none of his friends liking me. Like I cared, they were never the type of people I'd like to associate with. Still, I do this whole, I want things to be ok is empty. If the proof is in the pudding, why hasn't he brought me a pudding?