So much I have missed putting on here I regret deeply not doing the daily entries. Its my stupid time constraints. From work, to studying, to class, to my relationship. All have put a considerable strain on me. Both are filled with lots of ups and downs.

At work, its not a stressful environment but a boring one, sometimes depressing time. It helps that Michelle works right next to me and is there to talk to me and stuff. Just that sometimes I feel there is nothing anyone *including her* can do to make me feel right. There are times there that I feel frustrated and fatigued and just don't wanna exsist. Though there are times that I enjoy there.

One of the funny things is that at work, there is this girl that likes me there and doesn't know me and Michelle are toghether. She has hinted to me and Michelle wants me to date her and dump her. The reason being that none of the girls we work with don't like Michelle. We believe because Michelle is competition and Michelle is the only Asian. Anyways, I've hesitated because I feel it will create more hostility.

On a similar but different note, I find it funny that now I am with Michelle that I have got alot of attention from girls. It is amazing how when I really wanted the attention I didn't get it. Now that I don't care for it *though slighty maybe* I get it.

Moving on to studying. It has been generally ok. Nothing special. Michelle has intensly studied because she wants to prove to her dad she can do well. I guess its good if it keeps her grades up. I personally don't put much personal emphasis on myself to acheive high. It's like I don't care. I just want the knowledge. I'm weird like that.

In classes, me and Michelle share Sociology, History, and Piano. So far I have outdone her in history and piano. Sociology is even. In her psych classes, she is learning loads and has changed considerable. She is aware more of reality more, though michelle still likes to live in what I call "the enchanted forest" *enchated forest- believing in what the media and movies say happen in relationships and in life*

As for our relationship itself, it is doing REALLY well. There are ofcourse conflicts, but for the most part our relationship is more than I even thought it could be. We really connect on all levels. We conncet physically, mentally, emotionally, and maybe spiritually. We talk about everything. From quirky thoughts to planning the future. It is surprising to me that we click so well. We get along better than we did online. She still has a bit more maturing to do and I have a bit more looseing up to do.

I forgot to include family life. After awhile of my family not liking us as a couple, we've finally got some acceptance. I believe Vanessa was key in that. My mom listens to her alot. They have become REALLY close. Something me and my mom will NEVER be. Though I do desire it and sometimes it seems she does. Though since I'm not a female, I think I won't be allowed to connect on that emotional level with her. I dunno, I think my mom treats me different due to the fact that I am a guy. As for my brother, he has been being weirder and weirder. And not working. I think he is doing harsh drugs. I been knowing he has been doing some minor ones, but I think maybe now he is doing the BAD ones. I can't prove it but I think I know.

Finally, last but not least, spiritually. I would be graded F. I haven't even gave effort. I should. I don't. There is no excuse i can give. Simply put, I have become worldly. I am also having some conceptual differences right now. In my anthropology class, they have some strong cases against religon. While I still believe in God and stuff, some of my ideas have been defeated. The counter arguments that I found only have good theories. No concrete proof. Its bothered me. Last time I thought there was no God I nearly thought there was no point in living. This time, I won't go that far as to say there is no point, but its like, this life can't be here just to fulfill some lame selfish goals and die.

Well, that's me right now. Happy yet frustrated and tired of jumping through hoops to get something out of this life. A real odd feeling. Logically, I should be happy, everything has gone my way. Emotionally, I flucuate worse than the U.S. stock market. That is all. ~END~ pray for me