After the last entry, I ended up arguing with my mom. She casually asked how my tumor was. I reply, "like you really care" So she says, "Well I'm just curious. You know I love you" I say, "Sure you do, like when I was homeless and you told me you didn't have a room for me and did and to top it off, you gave it to the dog. Don't talk to me" She says, "so your still mad? Why did you move me in?" I say I dunno. I then say, "You just don't give a damn about me. You make me sick. When you think Vanessa *my lil sister* might have a tumor, its all you can think about. When they show I actually have a tumor, you don't even keep up with what is happening to me." She says, "I went to the emergency room when you had the first one" I say, "Yeah, only right before and during my surgery. Where were you when I was scared? Where were you afterwards?" She then says, "Tino, I don't want to talk about it" I was bascially done talking to her at that point anyways. I was facing my computer screen with tears. Luckily, I got to sneak off to my room without her seeing me.

The reason I got mad at her in the first place was that she didn't seem concerned. She asked about my tumor as if it were the equivilent to the weather. Plus, this is the first time she asked me about it since I told her about my blood tests. Maybe that's a lil touchy, but after the way she's been towards me, it isn't like she is my favorite person.

As for the rest of the day, it basically went by without a hitch. Just a bunch of Terri Schivo on the news. Let the woman die for goodness sakes. I'm sure her husband knew her better than the parents. It's not like this doesn't go on all the time. Patients are allowed to die all the time in similar situations. I'm glad its going the way it is. It would be a bad standard if the gov't was allowed to intervene in personal situations. Our rights are already pretty eroded.

As for myself, I previously wanted to die in that situation. However, I talked it over with Michelle and she said she'd want me alive. So, for her sake I'd stay alive. If she is dead and then I'm like that, let them take me out of my misery. Though according to docs, there is no misery because the brain isn't cognitive of what is going on. As for the comment kaliko left, I'm not sure I'm a bonafide believer yet. I'm kinda there, but still filled with questions. I'm not sure I could take my crap in my life and turn it into something special. I have all this hurt and anger that I wonder if I'd ever accept help from even God. Anyways, I'm outta here. Thanks for all your advice people