The main reason I haven't been online is that my DSL modem died on me. I don't know what happened but the lights don't turn on at all. So I couldn't get to my fix for awhile. Still can't. I'm here at the uni typing this. I will get a new modem by about Friday. I hope. Please come by Friday. I miss you modem. I know its only been a year but I think I love you. If it were only legal, I'd marry you modem. ;)

Thus is my love affair with my modem/internet connection. Though I must admit we've come apon hard times. There has been days I don't even spend time with the modem. Not like I used to. THose were the good days when we'd spend almost entire days together. We'd go out to places like Counter Strike, chatting and DD. Though another love has come into my life and she is jealous of me and the modem. Many times I must choose. I think there have been times when Michelle has thought of permenently disconnecting modem. Though I insist on the 3 way relationship anyways. What an adultrous I have become!

Anyways, besides that lame humor, I've just been here. Quite a few times I've thought about writing in the entry. I got mad at a co-worker, Enrique for insulting my clothing. Would've likely discussed how Francis has annoyed me lately. Maybe an entry about my new uni which I've been meaning to write. Though I've just been stifled by time constraints and lack of a truely appealing entry. Some things are just too boring to repeat. So yeah, that is the nature of my life right now. Very rigidly routine. Something that has its perks but can get monotonous very quickly.

Hmmmm, what do I really want to talk about. Well, I've sorta changed my mind on homosexuality as a sin. When chrissy said it wasn't a sin, I got curious. SO I looked online and in the bible. What I found surprised me. I found that it Old King James versions of the bible, that it isn't specifically mentioned. All the things mentioned can be somewhat inferred to mean homosexuality, but nothing directly. Plus, some sites offer explainations of what was really meant. I also surfaced sites that refutted the evidence given. So I am undecided until further notice.

Even if it turned out that homosexuality was a sin, I realize sexual orientation isn't nearly as important to God than other things. It actually seems to be on the bottom of the list so to speak about what humans should do with thier lives. I mean, put it this way, he views them just about as bad as He views drunkeness. You don't see christians rebuking alcholics.

Now then, I stick to my belief that Sam shouldn't pursue a homosexual lifestyle. And this ONLY applies to Sam. Let me explain. First off, I relize that psychology says that sexual orientation is a core component of a person that doesn't change and should be embraced. However, my hypothesis is that a deep desire to follow a higher power is also a core component that should be embraced. Now then, as he sees it, even without me, is that homosexuality isn't ok. So he has these two core pieces going against each other. So which should win? Well, as he sees it, he can't follow a higher power and be gay. This has been engrained in him by his family and immediate culture. So to him, they are mutually exclusive. They can not co-exist to him. So, what is the best path?

Ideally, it would be to help him find a religion that embraces both. Though something I know about people raised in a particular church/denomination is that sort of switch is hard on its own. Then when you got just about everyone you know, including culture, friends and family that will disown you for changing, it makes it even harder. So changing solves the internal conflict but creates a lot of other. So that stuff damages self esteem and I wonder if he could take that sort of pressure.

If he has to choose one, then that would be the one that creates less tension, the follow higher power that he percieves as not accepting his other part. This is something I think non-christians have trouble with. They don't understand that when your raised for years believing that you are fundamentally flawed, and must follow one particular path or go to hell, its hard to go against that. Accepting yourself with sin is like spitting in the face of God to christians. You change and repress, Period. You got things you like and God don't, then you will just have to learn to live with repression and asking for forgiveness. *well, atleast as far as I understand them, not all will agree with me, only thinking of the average christian, which I think Sam is* Not exactly psychologically healthy, but that's how it is.

I think he can have a happier life just having a deep relationship with someone whom he isn't attracted to and still keeping the hope of meeting God in heaven. Aferall, besides the sexual part of the relationship, *the least important part of a truely deep relationship* I think he still can atleast be ok and maintain integrity.

If he were to be gay anyways, I don't necessarily think he is comdemned to hell. Afterall, I believe my sins against God far outweight that. And I do remember this crazy thing that Jesus forgives sins if you ask him to and believe in him. Living in sin is far from ideal, but let the first non-sinner throw the first stone. *sorta a biblical quote for those of you not into that book that some see as Absolute Truth* I know, I know, its possibly a myth, but what if it isn't. There is some proof afterall. Not that I still don't have my doubts, but that's for another entry.

Now that that's out of my system, I think I'm all out of steam for now. I will read you guys soon. I don't hate you. REally, I don't. REALLY!!! Ok, now that you believe me, I don't visit you because I hate you. ;) I mean, how dare you leave comments to me and write what you feel! Besides, there is something worse than hate, its called indifference. And yes, I do care about you silly people behind the text. I really do wish you'd move to Sacramento. All of you, that'd be cool. Then we all could collectively complain about our lives together. Now wouldn't that be fun. I know that atleast a few of us our gamers and that'd be fun. Just don't bring your dogs, that might upset kalikos cats. But why are her cats more important than my dogs? Because they are. :P Plus, I don't care for dogs either. Potty train them and we'll talk.