Somehow, I always thought I'd leave DD fuming mad at someone or really upset. Nope. It ended like most relationships end; with few words exchanged due to lack of intimacy. In the past, I'd almost most certainly lay the blame (secretly perhaps) on someone for not doing their part. Yet, what I have learned is that relationships are 2-way streets. You get what you put in. For my part, I became fairly inconsistent when it came to writing entries and sharing the intimate details of my life. As for whoever even reads this anymore, I believe what happened is that life threw you bigger priorities than keeping up with an inconsistent blogger. While I always believe people can find time no matter what is happening in their life to keep in touch, I believe that my emotional distance caused others to reciprocate in a similar fashion.
I think today is fitting in that it is my birthday (atleast for the next 2 hours). I always view today as a day to reevaluate my life and make adjustments. Granted, I've been made this adjustment but yeah.. Basically, I will continue to just focus on me, Michelle, lil Tino and the coming baby. And maybe my mom as well. She has been really good lately; watching tino and just being there. Heck, the only one outside of Michelle to say Happy B-Day. Oh sure, there will be some Johnny comelatelys but yeah, even then I won't expect gifts or even a card. Its O.K., I haven't really done the same either. Well, except w/ Ray and my siblings...but that's another story...
And life goes on. Atleast for me it does; for now. I've come to realize that tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Yeah, I've been knowing that, but I emotionally know so now. Well...I really have nothing else to say. Thought I'd have something more to say. I just don't feel all that comfortable divulging more to what are now complete strangers.
Goodbye.
Comments (6)
Satan!....what an easy scapegoat. Some unseen entity takes the blame instead of laying the blame where it belongs, on human selfishness. At the end, if there is God, not even God will take the excuse "the devil made me do it". Our behavior is under our direct control.
As for doing anything just for love. Well that's a cute concept. Ideally, we'd all just do "the right thing" because we'd understand its inherent goodness. Thing is, most all of our behavior is tainted. Don't believe me. Take it from the bible then. Open your book to Isiah Chapter 64, verse 6. "But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away." There is a reason why you are willing to do more stuff for your spouse and family than people outside this sphere. Part of it is that they earned it. Part of it is your familiarity with them. The point is, love is only a part of the equation into why we do things.
"alienation is not love and whether you have credit cards or no cards, insurance or no insurance it has nothing to do with kindness. " Credit cards, insurance? WTF?
Alienation is a natural consequence of life. So much to do, only so much time. We must set our priorities. We as people can only manage so much. We have jobs, hobbies and a plethora of relationships. There simply isn't enough time (or energy) to keep up with it all. Something has to give. Few can afford to give up their job. Hobbies are a natural part of human life. So it comes down to trimming back on our relationships. Most aren't gonna cut their spouses or family members out of their life, so it comes down to friends. Already low on the totem pole of one's priorities(God, self, spouse, family, work, hobbies...) we can only afford to keep a few while alienating the rest. So only the friends that most pursue us get our attention. Thing is, the online medium is not a great way to really conduct this reciprocation. I think blogs and the like allow for some of this, but can't be the only component in the friendship. Thing is, if I really need to talk to someone at 3AM and they aren't online, there is no way of directly talking to them. And vice versa. Plus, text are poor substitutes for real human warmth and compassion. Sometimes, all we need is a hug or a smile from someone we know to reassure us. Hell, even a comforting tone of voice. The internet can not emulate face to face interactions and as a result, exclusively online only friendships will always be low on the totem pole.
>^..^<
I do hope to hear from you in the future. (((hugs)))
Love your friend,
Ashley