Well, first day of the new year was pretty ok. What a normal day should be like. Woke up, watched some tv with my mom. Made her laugh alot and supposely, she wants to stop drinking. That is good, will she do it? Personal, i'd LOVE to see that but I don't think she stops. Anyways, I enjoyed my time with her.

After that, went to take a nap. Wake up and punish the kids. Make them clean up a few things then I talked to them about why they were punished and what I hoped to achieve through it. Explained I don't like being mean but sometimes actions have to have consequences. I believe they understand. They didn't seem as sad after that chat.

Later in the day, I go online and start messing with some pictures for fun. Lil bro comes in at first. He then calls lil sis in to show her what I did. *I manipulated a picture so that it seemed like my lil sister had a twin with 3 heads* My lil sis loved messing with the pictures, so much so, she wanted to be able to do more. So I download a trial of photoshop. After showing her some of the stuff I know, I let her go on by herself. I think she had the most fun skewing faces. ANyways, I then take a shower and change. That way I could be comfortable sleeping. I go to sleep.

Wake up later to eat dinner and then go to big bro's garage and play some video games. Was good time in there. Only part I didn't like was he kept asking me to open his fridge. He eventually asked if I wanted a soda. I did, so he says, what kind, He opens fridge and shows me all the types. OMG!!! THis kid has his fridge STACKED! SHOW OFF! His cabinets in there are also full to the brim. He knew I'd get jealous, that is why he showed me. He even made a remark to his girlfriend about how he never had fridge that was even half filled. BLAH BLah. Later, I leave.

Today I called normalizing not because of the day but because of my emotions. Seems I'm finally shaking this sadness. I'm not just mooping round anymore, I'm actually in the mood to make jokes and act goofy. I think what helped was the fact that before each time I slept, I tried to stay really long time talking to God. IS hard to concentrate actually. My mind seems to wonder.

Forgot to put that I called jeff. I apologized. He said are we still friends. Said ofcourse. He kinda apologized to me by saying he hasn't felt right lately. I asked if it was my fault, he said no. Asked him if he would like to talk about it, he said no. He then told me he had to go and he'll see me at school.

You know, I think he is tired of calling here cause I have burdoned him with alot. I feel bad. Thing is, he asked me to tell him everything and now I think it is too much for him. He said he crys in church for me. I think I should've held back. I didn't consider the fact that it probaly was too much for him. I just thought about how I was feeling. From now on, i think i'm gonna hold back a bit with him, i think its for the best, he has enough to worry about. he got himself and his girlfriend. I don't think he needs a 3rd. I'll live. This is where the reliance on God is gonna have to kick in cause I know I will still have episodes where I'm going through alot and will need comfort. Anyways, this entry is draggin, that is all. ~END~