So things like that got me wondering if she's worth the effort. Its not so bad that she got angry, it was the fact that I'd fall asleep and she'd wake me up or something. This sort of thing is typical with her as she is very vindicitive. I just don't know if I can keep handling it. I got a life to live. I know she's stressed but so am I. Yeah, I make mistakes. We all do. I expect someone to make a mistake daily. That's just how I am. So when it happens, I'm not suprised or especially upset about it. Though she thinks I do everything to her with some sort of evil intent. Not that I'm perfect but usually I don't do things evily. I either do things out of being stupid or clumsy. After 3 years, I'd think she would know. So yeah.......

Besides that, life has been ok. Worked Saturday and I don't even know what happened Sunday. The day just was that boring. Monday, I went to the uni. Ugh, no presidents day off. Went with Michelle and it was pretty decent. Though towards the end, she started getting grouchy. Though, worth noting is the fact she was having her female thing that day. Not that I necessarily believe that it strongly influences female behavior but there seems to be a correlation with her.

So that's life. Atleast for me. Other than that, just learning a bunch of psychology stuff. I get scared when listening to lecture. I hear psychological problems and know some are related to me. Then I hear how it gets developed and I reflect on my life to see how it contributed to me. Its scary knowing how particular events affected your personality and world view. I am increasingly troubled by how much outside influences played a part of how I am me. Though I am glad I know. I like awareness. Though the more I study, the more I realize how little I know. Its really paradoxal. I see how much info there is out there and know I will never have time to look at it all.

Stat of the day: Only 30% of people are considered psychologically healthy at any given time.

I always thought it was more. I heard that 30% somewhere else, but I thought it referred to how many have a psychological problem. I know I have had some throughout my time on DD. Some of my sanity, I attribute to your guys' advice. Right now, I think I am mostly healthy. I acknowledge that there are some issues that I have to work through. I think I assume too much still. Sometimes my confidence borders arrogance. *trying to get it at humbly proud* I talk as though I know more than I probaly do. Still have a hard time living up to the way I expect others to live. And I'm sure there are more. I think Michelle could write a whole entry about them. Though I think the key thing is that I think I found my happiness. I'm ok. I still think this society is a lil hostile, but I am trying to see them as complex.

I honestly think the problem with Michelle is that she hasn't found her happiness. I mean, I make her happy but she isn't happy on her own. I try to let her in on my happiness but I believe ppl have to find thier own unique happiness. I think my happiness stems from realizing AND truely believing that I am a capable, ok person. That there is a purpose. Knowing to live in the beauty of the moment. Forgiving myself.

Maybe more but I think that gets boring after a while. I think what's missing is service to others. My anger and contempt for society leaves me detached in a way. I feel most people put themselves in bad situations and then ask for help and it bothers me that they are manipulative. Like my view of the homeless. I just can't bring myself to want to help them. I feel they really do blow thier money on things like alchol and illegal drugs. They just munch off the system. Atleast to me. Well, ok, maybe only American bums. I don't have pure intentions with my help either. Its like I want them to thank me or something. Like I want to be thier friend and not feel like thier tool to getting what they want. Though there are others that could benefit from things like my blood. They didn't cause thier need. Then that goes back to me wanting recognition. Why can't I do anything genuinely good. Goes back to what I said a few entries ago. And I can't distinguish if its unreasonable to demand this from myself or not. I am relatively blessed. Everyone in western society is. I can't help but feel that we're so ungrateful and that I'm part of the problem. ANyways, that's all for this ramble.