Not too long after my last entry did Lorenzo end up being allowed back in the house. He agreed to leave me and my computer alone and that's all it took. He is now back again to probaly create more havoc. I dunno if my mom is disillusioned or just plain stupid. I believe the latter.
As for me and Michelle, we're doing ok. We both were going through a thing of depression yesterday. *actually, this entry date, I'm writing entry on 21st* First it was Michelle who was sad. She was sad about how life has been and she misses her family. Not so much where she wants to go back and live there, just to visit and maybe eat one of mom's homemade meals. Probaly because here, there are no homemade meals. Later in the day, at night time, I got down. I was sad because I realized that all I wanted from friends is some care, but that isn't their function. Ofcourse Michelle reassured that she was here for me, it's just I dunno why I have such a silly expectation of people. Well, I know a small select few of online people do. I guess it's not the same though. I never meet up with them and even though I have like 2 numbers, I'd never call. It'd be too ockward. Even if I needed help, I couldn't imagine me calling them, especially if I was depressed. Even with my other friends offline, I am not on that level with anyone. It'd just be weird because none of them turn to me. Am I suppose to be the one who reaches out all the time? Well, hoping to change all that and be different. I need to just rely on God and Michelle. THat'd work. Works for others. Just bothers me a bit to do that. I maybe watched too much tv in the past. Think that's it.
Other things going on is my lil bro's and sis's b-days. Alex's is on the 21st and Vanessa's is on the 25th. I dunno what I'm getting them yet. I don't care too much for them anymore. I feel like they don't care for me and don't deserve anything. They watch all the food me and Michelle eat and even snitch on us. They don't share anything they have with me. Why should I? It's dissappointing to me. After all the time and effort I put into the relationship with my lil bro and sis, this is my reward. All that makes me feel bitter. Especially the fact my mom is worse with me.
Just now for example, she took her friend Mato to pick up his pills. Yet, if I ask her to pick up my pills, I have to pay gas money. Even though his ain't life-threatening and mines is. The reason she gets it for him is money. It's so pathetic. He's like 80 years old and likes my mom. He buys stuff for her and my little siblings. I can't believe I got a mom like that. It's like I told her, she'd be more sad if he died than if I did. If he dies, she loses money and a friend. If I die, she just loses a son she wants to throw out anyways.
Nothing else to much say. I guess I should appreciate what I do have. I have oppurtunity, something not many people around the world have. Though for some reason, that isn't enough. I dunno if there is a such thing as enough for me. I always want more. So selfish. ~END~