Wow, totally was a total emotional rollercoaster. Ok, started with me getting up and taking shower. I take it and the water turns cold on me. So I'm mad but I get over it and go to my bus stop. I arrive on campus and realize I need to cram for a test. So I do. I walk into my class very serious and ready to go. There I realize that the test isn't today, is Friday. So I'm reliefed but dumbfounded. So I finish and go and wait for bus at his bus stop. He never comes.

I go back on campus sad and angry. I was going to leave actually. That is when I saw Jeff. I was initially mad at him but got over it when he invited me to lunch. We go and head to the bus. There, someone on a motorcycle got hit by a car. Was crazy. I heard the impact but saw nothing. The guy was really messed up. Was a sobering moment. Me and JEff prayed for him before we ate. After eating, I'm very happy and go back on campus.

On campus, me and Jeff see Candace, Donald, Lindsey, and Gevel. We hangout and start joking around. Got so loud, we decided to go outside to nearby park. There, we find some benches and sit. We continue the joking. Donald then sees his dad and his mood immediately changes. He is nearly in tears and leaves. He talks to Jeff briefly and leaves. *wished he talked to me, I thought I was his goto guy* Anyways, we joke some more when we start to move around. That is when Lindsey and Gevel got into it. *they already don't like each other* Lindsey kicked some dirt on Gevel's shoes. *jokingly* Gevel threw a roundhouse kick in the air near her. *jokingly* Both took it offensively. Gevel apologized and that wasn't enough. Lindsey was like blocking his path to his stuff. I wasn't sure if they were going to fight or if she was joking. After a long while of this standing off, we go back on benches.

On the benches, the subject somehow turned to child abuse. Lindsey was being very open about her childhood. Then Gevel got in it. Next was Candace. Jeff was just there in awe. I was just there, very silent, holding my backpack with glazed eyes. They asked me to share my story. I told them that I wasn't as open as they were. They told me it was ok and not to be afarid. Gevel told me that he used to hold it in but it tore him up. Even after that, I didn't say anything. Lindsey tryed to change it by asking, "what is your best memory with your mom"? Everyone answered accept me. THey waited for me. I just busted loose. I said, "I can't think of any happy memories with her right now" Gevel and Candace leave for their bus. Me, Jeff and Lindsey go back on campus. We don't talk about it much more. Jeff goes home, then I head for my bus.

On the bus ride, I just thought about what I went through. It made me sad. I then thought about all the different things that made me a miserable child. Heck, not that happy of an adult. Things I listed included, being abused, having alcholic mom, being fatherless from age 7 on, being poor, and having to step in as a babysitter for my mom when she was passed out. Among other things I probaly haven't even touched on. Sometimes I think, can i ever get over these things? Will this hinder me on my quest for a happy life? Does talking about it fix anything? And what have all these things caused? Actually, I'm pretty aware of what it caused. Though I wonder if it caused the tumor. Probaly not. Still, I do wonder. ANyways, I still have about 5 hours till the end of today. So, I'm off for now. Doing a bit better. This entry helped a bit. Ok, that is all. ~END~