What a day. SO much happened. Started out with me calling Jeff to see if he could come over for new years eve. He said he had to go to Berkley for awhile then come back. Afterwards, he said he'll probaly come over. So I'm happy with that. Later, find out Ray called. *he was confirming that he was coming over with Zaheer* So I'm happy at this point, so I go on the computer and play some video games.

While on the computer, big bro had let lil bro and lil sis in his garage/room. *surprising* There they played some playstation. Though they were there by themselves cause he had left. BIG MISTAKE! That is when the first situation came up. They somehow messed up big bro's VCR. Why would that matter and why would they be messing with that. Long story, but know that we have it set up where you connect the playstation to the TV via the VCR. Eventually big bro shows up and is ticked. So am I. That takes away from me cause ray and all of them were gonna play the playstation.

Later, I get off the computer and watch the kids myself. That is when my mom asked me if I wanted Kentucky Fried Chicken. *ofcourse* She went to get it. When she came back, I got some and started eating. That is when Ray and Zaheer show up. So I tell them about the situation. For awhile, they sit there while we try to figure something out. Eventually,we get the tv from the living room and bring it in there. THrough some kind of wiring, we sent sound to one tv and video to another. So i'm happy at this point. We start playing. Big bro leaves.

While playing Jeff calls. He first starts out by saying he can't come over cause his parents are tired and they don't wanna drive. So I tell him that Zaheer has a car and can pick him up. So he starts saying he still can't. I ask him if his parents don't want him coming over. He says its not that. I'm like what. HE starts to say he had a long day and stuff. So I say, "your not coming over" He says, "no" I say, "ok bye" *hang up the phone while he starts his sentance*

SO I continue to play some more games till i decide to call him. I called to get the "i don't wanna come over" out of him. Why? I dunno. Just to do it i guess. Anyways, he starts tellin me how he did all kinds of stuff in Berkley and had just got back and he didn't want to come over because he was tired too. By then i'm kinda frustrated over the phone so I tell him whatever. He says, you gonna apologize? Tell him NO! He says bye, I say bye.

Go back again in big bro's garage and play. Was a pretty good time. Only hitch was my mom had went there once and starts asking big bro if he was gonna break the kids toys. *he said that to scare them* He said no and she just stood there. Was kinda embarrassing. I eventually shoe her out. Anyways, I go in house later and she tries to tell me happy new year and stuff. I act really mean towards her and tell her to buzz off. *I have been doing that alot, seems for some reason when she talks to me, i get angry and try to end whatever conversation* She gets hurt and starts to go to living room. I say sorry and i love you but sounded forced. She said I love you too but sarcasticly. I come to type the entry when big bro calls, he is drunk and wants me to make cd. I HAVE to. WHile it was making, went to lay on bed. There I started talking to God.

Basically, i feel i let him down. I did not turn to him once today. I also talked to him bout me being so negative towards my mom and even my big bro. Sometimes when they do try to be nice, i end up still trying to avoid them and not talk to them. Is REALLY odd. For some reason, also thought about how much I still flinch when big bro walks near me. Is nearly instinctual. *i think that whole thing is another entry* Anyways, I go to sleep for about 6 hours and wake up. I want to call Jeff and apologize anyways. Even though I feel a bit hurt. Still is too early to call him. *argh* Well, I hope that goes well. That is all. ~END~