I wish I could go home now and sleep. BUT, I have to tutor some people and prep them for finals. I hope no one comes in today. I'm not functioning at 100%. I'd say 40%. The less kit kats in my system, the lower that number goes.

In an odd development, I've seen my sexual urges increase the last few days. BY now, the testostorone is usually out of my system. I dunno. *I get monthy shots for you people not in the know* I have noticed some mood differences though. I'm usually more aggressive right after my shots and tend to get more passive as the time wears on. Typical of those shots. Michelle would prefer I don't get the shots, as I am more helpful and submissive when there is little testostorone in my system. Still, my body does produce some and that doesn't seem to affect erections as you would think it would. Maybe I'm placeboing myself, who knows.

In other news, talked to Chrissy online. That was nice talking to her, as it is nice to talk to someone who is just so utterly nice. I'm not that nice, I used to be. I got betrayed too much though, so now I lost some of my shine. Still, I try to be as nice as possible, as I expect to be treated as I treat others.

When describing my relationship to Michelle, it usually comes out skewed negatively. However, if that were truely the case, we wouldn't be together. I only vent when I'm mad. Usually, me and Michelle have deep conversations about the universe, society and "totally feel" where each other are coming from. Plus she accepts me as I am, which is hard to find. Probaly not impossible, as Chrissy points out, but I am not average or normal, and I'm finding that maybe I don't want to be average or typical. Why should I conform? Maybe they should be more like me! I guess depends what social situation I'm in. Sometimes I need to conform like when doing a group project for school. Other times, I find that I need to affirm my individiuality. Though I conform more than I like because I try not to rock the boat. I think I alienated enough people from me and find that I'd like to expand my social network, not decrease it.

Looking at the time, I have to go soon. 3 hours of hoping no one comes in and asks me something I really have to think about. I hate editing papers. I hate formalities, yet I know how to follow them so well. I like free-style, like the way I write on here. I have so many structural and gramical problems, its ridiculuous. Yet, I write it in a way that is comfortable to me and shows my thought process.

Coming up with approachs, yeah I can deal with that. Talk about this or that more. Emphasize that point. Maybe even some personal conversations. I would be absent, but was absent last week. DAMN my past self. Though lord knows I need this experience on my resume. Plus I get better and better. I now know how to tell a given persons' writing style. If I was an English teacher, i'd know if you cheated or pulled something from online. Tick tick tick, 10 more minutes. I see 2 people that I know here in the libary. There's Ray's friend Rakish. Then there's Lihn, my ex. Lihn atleast said hi. Funny enough, she never says hi to Michelle. LOL. Wonder what she really thinks of me? Everyone else here looks tired too. They're so unhappy looking and probaly lonely. So many lonely people, so many humans. Too bad we all have to be guarded. Too many judgemental people who think there way is the right way and everyone else is stupid. People think they're so smart, yet most get confused very easy and get manipulated by the TV. Then the politicans and businesses play with their mind in order for them to think a certain way. Hell, sometimes I find myself caught up in what society thinks even though I "should" know better. Stupid media, you fucken evil sluts. Poison my mind will you. Maybe I won't watch you anymore. But then I won't know the next American Idol or know what House will say to his patients. *sigh* GTG