Ok, first Saturday. I was suppose to go to Alex's house for a BBQ. He said he'd call me at 10AM and let me know what was up. That call never came. I proceeded to call him 8 times. He didn't call me till past 5PM. So, there goes my day off. Michelle is angry because we got all dressed up and have nowhere to go. I'm made because he made 0 effort to get a hold of me.

I talk to Alex and I'm PISSED. However, I don't let on that I am. I talk in a cool demeanor and trying to get the facts. I assumed something happened. No. He forgot, plain and simple. Yeah, he has a cell phone and he had to go visit his brother in prision. However, during the drive, he could've called/answered his stupid cell phone. So anyways, he doesn't really apologize, he tries to re-explain what happened. However, he doesn't realize what I'm saying until I say *for a third time * "You could've called me while you were in the car" He says a quick my bad and changes subject. This is his 4th time in a row of faking me out. If I wasn't short on good friends he'd be cut. Though since we do get along when he isn't faking, I decided just not to let my emotions get the best of me.

So then, Michelle is insultive toward me. *like its my fault* She says stuff that she knows hurts me. I then break down and I'm really crying seriously. I couldn't believe that I was even crying that seriously. I was getting angry at myself for not being stronger. Michelle comforts me then asks if I could make ribs. *the nerve of some people* Since I was trying to make things ok, I cook them. When we're done, I ask if she can get one plate. *she didn't help make the food or help with cleanup* She then refuses and then I get mad at her. So then here we go. Mad at each other once again. So from 7PM-2:30am she is mad at me. That is the stuff that really makes me want to say, get lost. I do actually tell her to go but she doesn't.

So I wake up just to have to get ready for work. We rush and go and then my supervisor tells me that he switched me to an hour later. I'm angry but just sit down outside with Michelle. Eventually, I go back in.

While there, I'm stuck with ALL the crappy work. Mop this, broom that, sanitize this. Now, that wouldn't even be such a problem if the boss wasn't right there critizing my every move. Then, when I have to wash some stuff, I ask, "Where do I put this" He says, "Don't ask me shit" and leaves. First, I'm shocked. Then I'm angry. However, I find out from co-workers what to do. Then, after 5 hours, I go.

We get to walk 3 miles home. On the way, I start crying because all the stress. It's llPm and I got to wake up at 5:30 AM. So then, its ok for awhile then me and michelle fight AGAIN. So that goes on and finally, around 2AM, I sleep.

It really bugs me that I can't be ok with everything about me. There is stuff I hate about myself that I know I shouldn't, but I do. Or maybe I should. Am I to have no morals or values? I like the idea of relativism but certain things are viewed negatively for a reason. *sometimes logical, sometimes not* Also, I've been increasingly unhappy with Michelle. She has such a double standard way of living that it drives me nuts. I *9 times out of 10* follow what I believe. When she makes a mistake, I usually let it slide. *as long as there is an apology* She likes that but then when its time to apply it and release her anger, she can't. She not only does whatever I do to her, but makes sure to do 2-5 times worse. Without compromise, we'll eventually end. And what kills me is that usually what I do isn't that big of a deal. It isn't like I break stuff of hers or spend my time and energy on other stuff. While she logically understands my point, when the emotions are involved, she loses control. That's all