It's been 2 days since I wrote. *awhile for me* Lots has happened, however, haven't had open time to write cause lots have gone on. Anyways, now I have the time, let me catch you up.

First the 30th. I was very happy, got my unemployment check when I got up. Went on campus. Apparently it showed, they asked why I was so happy, I told them. After hanging out for a lil, I go to cash the check. I do, head to new wal*mart in area. Its already trashed. NO wonder they never put a wal mart type store near here. I have check to myself, I buy a coat, sweater, sweats, and a couple video games. *bout time I spend money on self* So I go on bus head home. While going home, I'm a lil concerned about what I read in my psychology book. I'm not sure if I diagonsed self right, I want to read more on it before I put on here. I don't feel comfortable putting down that I MAY have a disorder. *could be just stress* ANyways, get home, install games on computer. The sims and a fighter pilot game. I put in, then have to help lil sis on homework, I get tired after, sleep.

Today. I wake up in not such a great mood, but I'm ok. Go to campus. Everything goes pretty smooth. I go to Economics class. There I find out that I missed first part of mid-term exam. *i missed monday* I was like, oh crap! Then teacher gave me second part. Looked so unfamiliar. Teacher pulled me outside, she told me that she would let me study for test and to do test on Friday. *next time I have her* THANK GOD!!!! I was so relieved! I nearly celebrated. I go to student center, talk again for a bit, they decide they want to head to round table. We do. *matt drives wild* I play arcade game there. * I couldn't resist* They didn't mind. *wouldn't had minded if they did* We go back on campus, eat. THen, I do something stupid. GRRRRR I miss psychology class. Eventually, walk with Jeff again to bus. We talk about sabbath and honesty. Go on bus, we see his friends from church. We talk about how its hard for me to have faith when bad things happen. NO just psycholoical, but things at house. I explained that for them, its easier cause family life is generally ok. They respond "you got to have faith it will change". I kinda shrug, he gets off bus, asks if I'll be ok, I tell him yeah. *he always ask that, I like,makes me feel like someone cares* I go home.

Here at home do some homework, play some SIMS. As I start to get really comfortable, Alberto calls. *from bible study* Asks if I'm gonna go in 30 mins. *!!!* I'm like, um, ok. I go. We talk in his car. VERY INTERESTING! Talks about how he has trouble trusting things to God. I was like, "yeah, its tough" He tells me about if anything hinders you, You need to get that out of your life. We talked about some other stuff, he has some good advice. VERY good. Though I go to bible study thinking deeply, gets me a bit down. Study was good, was about trusting God with your life. About not letting stuff we want to do get in way of stuff we should be doing. After, I get a lil down, cause I'm like there, while everyone socializing. *I like get to scared for some reason* Eventually, this one guy I've seen a few times comes and asks if I'm ok. I'm like, I'm alright. He's like, only alright?! What's wrong. I tell him that on Monday I will know if I will have to have surgery. *NOV 5, 2:30, got appointment with endocrinologist, see if I have to have radiation, surgery, or just stronger pills* He prays for me on spot. Then Crawadag *however you spell it* comes and asks same thing. Same reply. He shows me some scripture, is nice. he prays. I go to bathroom, kinda despair about situation. *Felt like crying about tumor, but I couldn't ofcourse, not there* I go back trying to do something, see if someone talks to me, I see Rebecca. She's like, HEY! How are ya? I lower voice, say oooook. She's like you like study? I'm like, it was ok, just that I'm worried a lil. She was like, I wish I could stay and chat, but my ride is leaving. *she leaves* I find Alberto, leave. We talk some more. Will see him tomorrow. *at the study on campus, this one wasn't on, was at church that hosts the studies on campus* Might see Rebecca too. *most likely* Wonder how that'll turn out. Hmmm

I come home, decide not to eat. *not hungry, speaking of which, my appetite has dramatically decreased* Lil bro and sis come with mom. They went trick or treating. *glad she toke them* They have me check candy for anthrax. ODD, but I do it. I throw out a few suspicious candiers, it reassures them. Sadens me that they think like that. I play Sims for a while more. *is fun* I get off, type this. As of right now, I'm ok, like the title says. Is weird, part of me feels Really sad and scared, while other side is like, things could be worse, I got GOd,friends, life. Anyways, that is all