Hmm... its already been a week. Nothing too signifigant happened from last wednesday to Sunday. I ended up deleting a whole entry that I was going to put private. I just was examining my motivations and reasons for my neurosis'. When I get really deep, I feel that I should keep some to myself. I dunno, I feel like I already know and just somethings shouldn't be available for some hacker or discrediter one day. Though if you read everyone of my entries and stuided them carefully, I'm sure you could get at it. Well, maybe not what in my lifetime led me to certain thougts or behaviors. And by that, I think its implied negative stuff. It always is with us people. We'll go on and on about why we do good things. Ask about the negative and it gets tricky. Though I'm the kind that even questions the true motivations for good behaviors. Anyways, I'm off topic.
Nothing happened is what you could take away from that. Though I think Sunday is when Michelle accidently found my valentines gift. *was it Sunday?* Anyways, she found the heart shaped basket with a snoopy doll *looks like me* with a box of chocolates, a snowglobe with a bear *her personal fav* and a glowing rose. *made of red plastic jelly with this light inside* It was nice and she found it right as she said she hated me and that I never think of her. So it changed her mood right around.
Monday, we both go and pick me up a basket with a bunch of candies I enjoy, including some of those easter creme eggs, like the butterfinger one. OH YEAH, that is good. And the "overload" candy. Uh huh, that was GOOD. So I thought that was a good gift as I got what I wanted.
So Tuesday comes *Valentine's day* and I miss work because Michelle used my cell phone as a clock and didn't wake me even when the alarm on it went off. So I eventually go to uni. Class is good and stuff. Then, Michelle gets off early. We plan to meet each other and hang out at this nice spot on campus that is on the 4th floor of this building that offers a great outside sitting area where there is no noise. That seems like what is going to happen. She is on her way when the school district got in our way. *say what?*
The district calls me out of nowhere and says they need a TA to go teach computers at night. *STARTING TONIGHT* I tell them that I have to think about that and that I'd call them back. I wanted to let Michelle know about it. She said if I was just being hired for one night, not to take it. If I could get it as a permeanent thing, take it. So I call them back and they say they'll give it to me permeantly. So I'm conflicted but want it because it fits my tuesday thursday schedule. Also, wanted to look good to them.
So I go and there is this guy. He is the teacher. I hate to sterotype, but if you wanted to imagine him, lets just say he has similarities to comic book man on the Simpsons. That crossed with I dunno, Dilbert. Ok guy though. Says he wanted a female TA but that I would do. And indeed, the person that was suppose to be there but quit was female. Why, I dunno, he somehow wanted to be attracted to her? He's not married, maybe get at her? I dunno and really don't care but that just struck me as odd.
Its a beginning computer course and 5 students trickle in. All hispanic. I talk a lil Spanish and have a lot of free time. Basically, he has them on Mavis beacon the whole time. *typing* If I were him, I'd show them how to start up, shut down, explain uses of the computer and teach them things like opening files and how to maintain it. Maybe a lil internet too. THough he says he wants to get them familiar with the keys. Ok..... Not my class. I just do what he needs; translate to the predominately spanish folk.
So I get home and shock. I open the door and Michelle has a chocolate cake with candles. We blow it out together. From there, she has these heart candies making a giant heart. In the middle is a candle and our 2 heart baskets touching. Mr bear, *the stuffed animal from last year* is holding a valentines ballon. This crystal light up bear is also there. So I'm taken aback in a good way. Happy. She finally did something romantic for me on valentines day. Its nice and it seems like things are going to be ok. LOL, things are never ok when you think you're going to ride into the sunset.
Wake up and go to work and school. The class is awesome. I am on my way home when I find Michelle is at a library where she was suppose to meet a tutee but the guy flaked on her. She is pissed about that and the library staff treating her rudely. So she isn't too content. Plus she had a bad day at work and argued with my mom. *can you already see where this is going?* So we get home eventually. While talking about her day, she tells me about this guy who she frequently sees on the light rail. An asian guy. He talks of having a company. He asks for her number and she gives. Then this guy calls talking about a "job orientation" at his house and being able to pick her up in his car. *he rides the light rail* She then informs me that she is thinking of going on Friday. This is where I get upset.
I say, *wrong choice of words may I add* "Are you stupid?! This guy is up to no good. It doesn't make sense that he's riding the light rail and has a car. And a job orientation at his house, give me a break. Why did you even give him your number in the first place? You got 3 jobs and are enrolled in college classes and got a relationship to maintain. Why did you give your number"?! I lost her when I said are you stupid. She is mad at me and tells me out of spite that she's going on Friday. So this obviously leads to a fight. In our collectively anger, nothing really gets resolved.
Later, I apologized for the way I handled the situation. She is still upset. *well yeah* The day was horrible for her. So then, I offer to make dinner. I start with getting it all together. I can't find our plastic plates. *the tipping point is coming* She said in the pantry on the second, third or fourth shelves. I call her over and she grumply comes over.
She finds it on the bottom. *its junky there so hard to see it* I say, "You should've told me to check the bottom" She says she did. I told her that she should've made sure I acknowledged it as she did start out with adamently insisting it was on the second shelve. So she says don't do anything for me.
KABOOM! She says she hates me and don't want to be with me. Crying etc. Her vindictive nature has her grabing my cell phone and deleting over half of my photos. 5 recent ones were of valentines day with us holding hands and over the scene I described earlier.
So I get woken up today. She calls me franticly telling me to find some answer sheet that she forgot to give me. She wanted me to type it. I didn't have time. I decided to fax it to her when I got to work. *we both work at schools in the same district* From there, I dunno what will happen.
I got out work and came her to the uni. Had a fascinating lecture about Freud's theory of personality and Object relation theory. That's what I really wanted to go over.
I think I have found some commonalities in what makes people tick. Well, here is a vague list I thought of while in class. There is a desire for power/ control of environment, a drive/push towards sexuality, surviving, relations with other humans, achieving a higer purpose *sometimes spirituality, sometimes highly valued social morals*, satisfy our evolutionary needs: I'm thinking women typically seeking men who will be finacially and emotionally secure; men typically seeking attractive mates or mates that will make a good parent figure. *though I am aware that there are mature people who simply seek mature mates that have great personality*. Also, there is a search for meaning.
Obviously, some are more important than others. If I had to pick a key concept, I'd say relations with others. Even broader than that, I'd say the grand desire is love. Some think its sex, some think its emotional, some think a drug can give it to you, but love seems to be the main theme. Problems arise when we misinterpret what it is and what is destructive in our lives. A very close second is the search for meaning. What we intrepret as meaning and the means that we go by expressing it in our lives and within our self.
I know its lacking. Though one day, my ultimate goal would be to make some sort of linking thoery of psychology. I also need evidence. That's where I think I will come up short. While some things are intuitively true, its hard to prove it sometimes. Plus, for all the things I want to prove, it'd take too much time. I am still a young Jedi with much to learn, but I think I'm on to something.
Comments (1)
I wouldn't trust that Asian guy either, he sounds suspicious if you ask me.
Pity you can't be the proper teacher for the computer course, sounds like you're more keen on actually teaching them stuff than the teacher. Still, it'll look good on a resume I bet :)
Hope next week's better for you!