I'm glad I'm finally able to write. I wanted to write on Sunday, but lord knows I was too exhausted to do so before now. Anyways, I want to write about saturday and sunday.

On saturday, I tutored as usual. It was boring and slightly fulfilling. I went home and my mom called. She said that my lil brother had come from Reno and wanted to see me. I decided that I wanted to go and see him.

A few hours later, I arrive at the house. My lil brother is taller than ever. At 13, he already towers over me. However, when he wanted to wrestle me, I had to show him who the big brother was. I beat him twice in a row. Even though he is taller and heavier than me. I still have the skills I had when I used to wrestle with my friend Steve. *who was also bigger than me* It was fun.

One thing that came up was that my lil sister was avoiding me. She went in her room with her boyfriend when I went to the living room. I confronted her about this and she came out about 5 minutes after. Later, she said she was upset because me and Alex accidently broke some ornament in her room when we were wrestling. I aplogized and we talked for awhile. We end up talking at night about my mom. My lil sister is tired of my mom being controling and not letting her go anywhere with her friends. At 17 *and a few months*, it is a tough call as to whether she needs a lil more independance or not. Though from her perspective, she feels that my mom doesn't really care for her as much as her boyfriend, Lorenzo. I agree with her. Especially because of how my mom takes sides with her boyfriend, despite the fact that he was the reason my lil bro and sis went to CPS a few years ago. *and thus restricted from even being around them* So yeah.....

So then, Sunday comes around and we want to go to the "flea market". My mom then walks up to my lil brother and hands him a 20. I ask my mom, "Can I get a 10?" She says, "Do I look like I'm made of money?!" I get upset because she had spent atleast 10 on beer for Lorenzo that day. *yeah, they drink alot* So I just left without my siblings and when I was half way down gone, offers me the money. I leave based on principle. I then see them while they're on the porch. I tell them to tell my mom that I want them to go with me to the flea market even if she don't give any money. She initially says no but then allows them. We go and have fun buying inexpensive items that we need. And then, out of nowhere, I see my mom. She says, "Here, you know you want it". I tell her, "you know, I don't need it, I just didn't think I had to hassle you for money" She says, "just take the money ok". She then leans in for a hug and I reluctantly give her one.

The big deal with the money was the fact that I just thought that if she could spend so much on Lorenzo, she could give me something. It isn't like I go there and get any money from her, ever. I guess I just thought we could be like a normal family where the parent just gives their kid money if the kid asks. I guess I had forgot my position on her totem pole. Since I am so different from her, I am her least favorite. She openly acknowledges this. Anyways, I enjoyed the flea market and the bb gun I got there with my lil bro. We practiced shooting some cans. That's all for now. Maybe next entry I comment on kaliko's latest entry about forgiveness. There is a lot to process. I got to go to class. Take care people.