I on the other hand have stagnated. I, however delusional as it may be, feel that I have more Truth than others. Lately, its seems that I've come to think that there is nothing more I can learn. I watch movies, tv shows and listen to others' lessons and feel as though it is a rehash of what I already know. Half of me thinks this belief is completely self-absorbed, filled with delusions of grandeur, and indicative of regression. (teens are known to think they know everything only to learn that there is so much they don't know) Indeed, I am going through adolescence (physiologically speaking) so this could be the case. *keep in mind that the pills I take now are filled with hormones I was suppose to get in my teen years* So the explanation is not that off.

The other half of me seems to think that more people have the Truth than I previously assumed. However, I think we ignore acting on this Truth because we are too chicken to face the pain that must come with making the right decision(s). We choose to walk around with the nail in our foot because we are used to that amount of pain, and fear the bigger pain to come. (pulling it out, putting alcohol on it) Maybe its the wrong analogy but my point is that I think we know what should be done or how to think or feel but sometimes want reassurance from our local pastor, psychologist, friend, or spouse. Though I think that people also get addicted to that comfort and thus lack the level of discomfort that would lead to real, long term change. Thus, people go in this cycle of sad/angry to relieved to short term okness to sad/angry again. The cycle repeats because the lack of real fortitude. Therefore, I think one can posses Truth but lack the emotional toolkit to wield it.

I wonder if that is the predicament I'm in. I wonder if I know everything I should, but am lacking the fortitude to do such. Me and Ray had another long conversation about faith and God and who is saved. He made a strong case for the idea that the saved are not those who do works or does that simply acknowledge that Jesus died for them but that they demonstrate that faith by always fighting against what feels pleasurable in the short term for fighting for what's good in the long term. Sometimes that fight will mean someone does charity work and sometimes that means that person will abstain from excessive food. (or insert favorite vice) Now, I still don't accept the religious undertones of the argument but I do feel that the main point is valid nonetheless. The most desirable outcomes take sacrifice, pain and uncertainty. Money and losing weight comes to my mind when I think of this. In the short term, it is desirable to go to Starbucks, order a mocha frappacio and maybe a nice lil snack in that nice display rack. Yet, if you act on that impulse too often, you'll end up broke and more portly. Soon, it becomes a habit however. But, instead of going through withdrawal, you allow that pastor, psychologist, friend, spouse etc. to tell you how bad you are and what you should do instead. You feel a sense of shame and encouragement all at the same time and mistake this for progress.

Lol, I think I repeated myself . At the same time, I think I was vague. Basically, most of this serves as an avenue to process to myself, thus the messiness. I know my issues and concerns intimately and therefore, nothing concretely is described. Nothing new or very difficult. Infact, I kinda like the issues I have. But yea, gtg.