So much to write about, so lil organization in my mind. I don't know where to start. Well, decided I'm gonna start from today and move backwards! I know, confusing, but that is me.
Today started pretty boring. Got ready for the dentist and then went on the bus. I had to get some new wires for my braces and some rubberbands. After that, we wait for the bus back and some stupid lil teenager was throwing some pebbles at me and Michelle. At first I didn't know who it was but eventually I saw him. I was gonna beat him up but Michelle insisted I just relax and not mind him. Usually I'm not the fighting type but I"m not just gonna sit there while someone chucks stuff at me and my girlfriend. Anyways, bus comes and we go home.
We get ready to do some laundry but my mom isn't ready to take us to the laundry mat. So time passes and it's much later, about 6:00PM. We wait for Crawadog *bible study guy* to pick us up for Christian fellowship and Cludio's *another christian guy's* house. We get picked up and ride there.
Michelle can't wait to see Rebecca for the second time. *the first time she saw her was last sunday when we went to a bible study* Michelle wants to be buddy-buddy with her to know stuff about her so she can know what I liked about Rebecca and to see if she is really a real christian. Michelle already knows Rebecca been through bad relationships. *i didn't even know that!* SO anyways, we eat and then Rebecca and her people show up and eat. They talk briefly while I play several cards games like Uno and Slap Jack. Eventually Michelle joins in.
After all the games and eating, its time to go home. Time went so fast, we arrived there at 6:30PM and left at 11:30PM. Seemed only like one hour to me. Anyways, we ride back home and talk to some people in the van that Claudio was driving. Though I don't know their names by heart. I want to get home though to hear what Rebecca had to say to Michelle and why Michelle told me there was something very supicious about Rebecca.
We eventually make it home and I can't wait to talk. So I ask Michelle what was so supicious about Rebecca. The thing is, we haven't told anyone in the church that we met online. We made up a story because we're both not comfortable telling everyone our story yet.
* The following written by Michelle*
Quote and Quote from Michelle: I have notice Rebecca don't exactly buy my story of how I met Tino because from my perspective Rebecca don't look at life as simple as it is since she been through a harsh life *for example bad relationships and want to move out when she was 18...if she was such a happy person as now as before she wont have to want to move out right?... and she been through maybe a lil of the wild side of life* Therefore, I believe Rebecca want to find out more details of us through me because she connect with girl better than guys since she has this distrust of guys through her bad relationships and that why she is buddy buddy with me. But that is not all, I believe. There is more to it because I also believe things in life is more complicated as really is..maybe that is one thing me and Rebecca have in common...Either Rebecca want to protect me from Tino because she thinks all guys are players because Tino has known Rebecca when he first started with city college *to be exact his first day of city college* and I just popped out of no where *first day: sunday bible study* and Rebecca probably think that Tino keeps me hidden so he can flirt with her at the same time or Rebecca think I am not the loyal type *myabe the way I dress* and she want to make sure if I am or not so he can protect Tino from me..and oen more thing but this is the last reason on my mind: she want to buddy buddy with me so she can convince me that Tino is bad and that I shouldn't be with him so that she can get with him but I doubted it since she is a christian or is she ..somtimes I wonder because I grow up where my parent taught me that people only do good things so they get good out of it...and I want to see if people like Rebecca are for real like that or they are just faking it to get something out of it like pride like I am better than you...self confidence..or no self blame since this isn't my fault cause god planned that way...so this is a good experience for me to go through to have a better understanding in life and people and how we all think differently..one more thing I am always curious how some people like Rebbeca with a bad past can change themselves totally to be good and devoted to God..I know that is possible but I want to know their experience in detail because I like to know where things come from and why things happen and why things change and how it changed...I learned things better by actually going through it..and I had been through the wild side of life..so I do wonder can someday I be like one of those unselfish people and do things that have nothing to do with myself and only good to others? and totally devoted myself to God? It is possible but can I keep it real all the way everyday of the rest of my life and be sincere and true about it from the bottom of my heart..it is sometimes very hard for me to do since I still have this hate against myself and I don't believe yet I actually a good person since mostly I do things only benefit myself...maybe the only expection is Tino because he is part of me. And I didn't have a good past. And people probably tell me don't dwell in the past but that is where I come from and a part of me of what make up who am I. So, it is sometimes that is very hard to let go. I don't know if I have accepted myself as who I really am yet because I always have been taught that I need material things, money, fame, title, reputation, and recognition as a PART of my life to have happiness in me. Other things will be like love, self confidence, feel good about yourself by doing good for others, pride, and others..hmm..got off my topic here..oh well
Ok, back to me, TINO! Now that Michelle is finally done with that I can write what I want to. It's weird, I'm not used to letting her type in here or read while I write. Anyways, now that is said, I can get onto other things that have been floating around in my head. Well, first off, Michelle also wants to get close to all my ex-likes. *girls I liked* Very odd and slightly scary but I am ok with it.
Another thing I have had on my mind is the fact that I hope and can balance school, work, friends and most importantly GOD. It's gonna be hard, work from 7:30AM to 4:30 and then having to have school too. *oh yeah, forgot to write, me and Michelle will be working at the DMV, thought it's only minimum wage* So hope to I can do everything. I wish there was more time in the day, I miss reading other diaries and chatting and keeping up with all my friends. And basically that is my life right now. Well, there is one more aspect.
My family desperately wants my time too. Thing is, they aren't very high on my priority list. It's funny because when I was single and needed attention, they didn't pay it to me, now that they see Michelle, they want it. Especially Vanessa. My mom even told me Vanessa is jealous of Michelle because she takes all the time I would use hanging with them *vanessa and alex* and all the money I spend. I know for sure my mom doesn't really like her because my mom has HIGH expectations of Michelle. Most unfair, like she wants Michelle to clean up the house and tell me things to do but Michelle doesn't much listen to her creating conflict. Though its usually me speaking in place of Michelle to my mom because Michelle and my mom don't talk much directly.
Well, that's about it for right now. Nothing else I can remember that is of any importance. Take care everyone and have a good week. That is all. ~END~