OMG, I can't believe it. My backpack was stolen. While that in itself doesn't seem to bad (it was $80), the contents make it absolutely heartbreaking. Inside, *prepare to gasp* I had my laptop, which i had all my notes, personal info and pictures. *all of which is irreplaceable* Then the components: my optical mouse, headphones, 2 batteries, charger. Also inside was my mp3 player and even worse, most of my pills. Just got refilled on Cortef, Levothyroid, and Testostrone. *look up the prices on those...* Luckily, I don't take my Cabergoline w/ me usally. Still, the amount is quite a lose. Granted, we got the laptop from her dad *along w/ the backpack* he isn't the type to give it again. Especially because he was fired a few months back after years w/ his company.

*How it happen?* Well, I was at the bus stop and I had set my bag to the left of me on the ground. Then, I was adjusting my broken belt while looking down and to the right. They must've known that that style of backpack is used for laptops. So looking back, I realize its gone. I bounce up and run to the corners and look at the nearby light rail but it just shows up and someone probaly wisked it on there. After much looking, I started to cough incessently. I wanted to vomit but nothing came out. I tried to ask the bus people if they seen anything, but they saw nothing.

I go to class and I'm just winded. *even after an hour and a half bus trip* I go late to my first class then I go to the bathroom near my second. Was there trying to compose myself and seen my professor there and he asked me if I was ok. I muttered no and asked what happened. I started to cry and couldn't stop for a moment. I then eek out, "someone stole my backpack" Knowing how I sit in the front and having remarked on my computer in the past, he knew it had the laptop. He put his hand on my shoulder and said "I'm sorry to hear that, I know you had such a nice computer there too.." He motioned me to walk down the hall to talk but I needed more time to stop crying. I was upset that I was so stupid, yet left without anything, especially the prized laptop I had grown fond of. So I went to class w/o any paper or pencil. I sat there for a few moments when Michelle came in. She noted my posture and asked if everything was ok. She seen I had recently cried. She quietly asked what was going on and I told her that someone stole the laptop. She motions me to go out of the class. We go out and there she comforts me and examines what went wrong. She isn't mad at all which I apprecite as I was/am still quite vulnurable. Later, we realize that we might be identity theived so we went on this computer and put special alerts on our credit.

From there, I was brain storming quite a few ways that I could track the laptop. First I called the regional transit and tried to see if I could see thier videos. They were closed. Will try tomorrow. I then called gateway to report it missing. I also tried to get them to give me the vista product code for my laptop. The rationale? My laptop has auto updates from windows vista. I figure, if they could block my product code and possibly hand me the IP address from which it tried to connect. From there, I could give cops a way to track it down. They referred me to Microsoft which referred me to thier anti-piracy department that was closed. I then filed a police report. Michelle called Kaiser as we needed a prescription again and tried to get me a new number. *my card was in there* Tried to get ATT to track my laptop using the IP address it used and figuring that if it tried to get a new IP from ATT that maybe ATT would see that old IP address and block it. (no go) But they suggested that Gateway give me the MAC address of the computer. We also called Michelle's arch nemsis, her UC Santa Barbara computer science graduate brother, who, using his vast knowledge of computing, said, "there's nothing you can do, its lost" F***-en jerk didn't even try to listen to my scenarios or try to come up with a way. Went searching on Google for how they may find it. They offer the reassuring statisic that 97% of laptops stolen are NEVER recovered.

However, apon close inspection, I found that my computer has installed into its BIOS a program called lo jack. (atleast it listed my model number) Says they are able to track stolen computers. *granting that I actually have it installed in my computer, something I don't recall* So I tried to call them and as you guessed, they were closed. So I have a couple of ideas, and I'm hoping the police are able to contribute something too. Still, I have little faith that it will return.

So now I am quite despaired at the moment. The physical items can be replaced. *tho not likely soon, as we can't just drop that kind of money like that* However, the pictures, the notes, the 2 papers I had on there, personal information is not easily recovered from. It has only started to hit Michelle lately that we don't have the laptop anymore and her anger is starting to show. So now I get to be yelled at as well without really being able to stop it. Though the only bright note is that I didn't get hit by
this car that very nearly hit me when i was running around looking for it
. Still doesn't mean that I dont feel like I got ran over by a car. Most of our net worth was in that stupid backpack. *in objects that is* Everything else we have here would go for maybe 900 tops. Given you thrown in the stove too. *and at new prices* So yea....

As for the baby, the baby is doing well. The kidney is ok now. He's kicking Michelle more than ever. *due april 29* We still haven't bought anything for him yet. We'll see what this work baby shower brings in. *she's not part of the in group there but seems they will throw on anyway, based on the suggestion of the vice-principal* So I'm a bit skeptical about what will be given. I mean really, I imagine them going to the dollar tree and getting a bib. I mean, don't get me wrong, something is better than nothing. It would be snotty for me to be ungrateful for whatever does come the baby's way. Still, there is a part of me that doubts them.

Then again, I doubt alot as it is. Seems lately that people have had the tendancy to break my low expectations of them I know what I should think logically, but I am still too wounded from disappointment from the past to fully be where I should be with this. Plus, its not like I have done much for anyone as it is. *not that I'm really able, but still* I try to keep in more contact with people, which oddly enough hasn't created the closeness I thought it woudld. Problem is, there just isn't enough time to nurute the friendships I do have. Will my pursuit of trying to escape the cycle of poverty led to finacial security but with no close friends? I dunno, I'm tired now. Take care people.