As I reread my previous entry for a third time when I was in a completely neurtral, I realized all the angry words I used. I normally don't even talk like that. Yet, I fired off two very angry messages to him. So when I initially recieved his next message, I tried to make sure I didn't let emotions influence my thinking. Here's what he said to my long heartfelt message to him:

HIM:"wow.... your mutant powers have substantially increased! i have not felt a force this strong since the attack of DARTH FRANCES! my instincts tell me, you are a much too difficult challenge for a nieve, dirty little swine like myself, however... a triple layered dilithium generated force field will not stop me so easily. my skills also, have accelerated at a higher level. my mental, me being mental, my mentor combined with a championship record of 4056/6000( 4056 wins 1001 loses 43 draws) makes me the top pick contender rated by the people, to battle the champ "Tino" for the wwd belt---(welter weight dissagreement). ill touch up on your reply as soon as i get a free moment to think deep into my soul. ttl"

So after getting that, I was laughing. I didn't think much of it at first except that he was stalling for time. Then later, I reread what he wrote and I got offended. *how?* Well he compared me to "frances". Frances is the mother of one of his ex's. He hated her. He said how evil she was and how she didn't know anything. So I sent the following back:

ME: "Hmm.......interesting. At first I thought you were just being funny to stall time. But as I reread your reply again, I'm reminded of the Truth.

I write you this long heart felt message about what I'm thinking and you basically laugh it off. You say you need "time to search your soul" but I'm sure you could've found time for a reply if you deemed this important.

Though that's not the biggest thing. You compared me to Francis?!!! So what you trying to say? I'm evil like her or something?

Plus, this isn't a game to me. This isn't some sort of intellectual challenge to who you are. This is about fixing things. THough I think it was a mistake to write anything to you. Both messages from you aren't about fixing things anyways. You think this is cute or something. I think I forgot that you didn't start messaging me 'cept to defend yourself really. Just don't email me no more. I'm bored of this messaging as I know your either rolling your eyes or laughing still.

You will be blocked after this. I don't want to hear from you no more. Let's just leave it as it was. You have no full blooded brother. Don't mention me to your friends and I won't mention you to mines. Your superficialness may work on your so-called friends but that shit ain't gonna work with me. Your as fake as they come, and I'm sure your new girl will see that like all the others did eventually. She's just blinded by her own emotional needs. Though you know that, self-proclaimed player.
You have very good people skills, just you use it to manipulate instead of something good. Me and Michelle just can't help but laugh at your girls desire for someone "real". Your as fake as they come buddy. If only people weren't blinded by your illusion of niceness and sincerity. I gotta admit, you play the part superbly. I give you "props" on that man. Got the dress and talk too. Though you can't fool me, I seen you growing up and I hear what you really say to mother.

Anyways, consider this my goodbye message. I'd prefer you say you only have 1 lil brother. *alex* For, you are nothing to me and I'm nothing to you."

That essentially sums up my way of reclosing this chapter. I wanted to start a real dialogue to work towards forgiveness but I feel like he isn't ready for it. If so, he would've called me long time ago to apologize. Isn't like he don't know my number or know where I live. For some strange reason, I thought we could work it out online because its easier to talk with text.

This is a setback for me though. I like to believe in forgiveness and family unity and stuff. Just I don't think this can work out. He doesn't accept me as is anyways. He don't like the way I dress, he don't like the girl I'm with, he don't like the fact that I don't like to "party".

Anyways, I'd like to hear some honest feedback as to where I should go from here. You could but it annoyomously if you think I won't like you. I dunno. I want him to do his part in the process but I feel like I have to force him and then it doesn't feel like he is sorry. Its sorta like if you have a burgler rob your house and then gets caught by the cops and sees you in court and the judge makes him apologize. It just isn't like him coming back and returning the things he stole and apologizing.