Today started with me waking up and going to the internet. Found jenjea online. We talked about some stuff then evolution vs. creationism. *in a way* Wasn't a debate, was very informal, more stating our own postitions on our beliefs. After that, went off to the college.

There, I find Clemant *bible study dude that picks me up* handing out invitations to bible study. He asks me what I found, told him didn't much look, then another guy from study shows me another verse. *wasn't in mood to much see it* I go hang out. There, I find Jeff and Nacho. *new guy, well they know him, new to me* Others come to group. I"m there, everyone is off in thier own conversation when I suddenly feel really isolated run off with saying bye. *was oddest feeling* Ran off to just go cry, not sure why. After went to bible study. Was ok. Fire alarm made us go outside and finish up. Was a lil ockward reading bible outside cause everyone looks, I didn't much mind. *Rebecca was next to me but didn't much mind cause I feel that she believes as Clemant does about the NO touching till marriage* NOt sure I could handle that.

ANyways, I go back to cafeteria, get asked where I went, told them to have some TINO time. They were like, "UM, OK" Was odd but oh well. Was there kinda sad for awhile till Meagan came. SHe has a way off perking me up. *no I don't like her but she and I do have same wavelenght in a sense* She talked about all kinds of stuff, I agreed with her but wasn't sure why I didn't say what I really thought. I think as I grow closer to group, I'm being less blunt. After a while of that, Jeff goes to bus, I head out with him.

We talk the talk as usual. Was telling him about how I was down and stuff. He was encouraging me with bible and stuff. *not sure why I kept kinda ignoring what he was saying and continued in my indulgence of my sadness* Go on bus, He tells me about his church and stuff. I listen, he gets off. *he's gonna see his psychologist today, I wonder what that is like for him, been wodering if I need one* I get off bus get some snacks, wait for it. WHile waiting, I sit there mooping again over my problems. *WHat is my problem, I can't stop thinking about them* Actually I think I do know my problem. I'm kinda scared to acknowledge it. REad about me in psychology book. I know its what I have. 95% sure. Its.... NO, none of your guys business, private entry for that. Is kinda embarrassing to admit. Hint, personality disorder. All I will say, maybe I might make public, will think about it.

Go back to college and wait for sociology. While waiting, I go to bathroom, there I try to figure why I think the way I do. *still not sure* Couldn't even answer the question, What is happy to me? I know what happy events are, but do they make me happy? can't honestly say the happy events do. So after that, I go through stuff I have, open letter from college. Have some outreach specialist wanting to talk to me. *think Econ teacher told them about my tumor, cause I told her* Hmmmm ANyways, go to class, nearly fall asleep, head home. I think about again why I am sad and how stupid it is. Its like I can't let go off it. I have reasons, none superimmenant. SOrta like stressing on bills that ain't do for 2 weeks. IS pointless! Intellectually I know this, but emotionally I don't. ANyways.....

COme home, eat, chat to best friend. *well not sure he is best friend, but 11 years I guess I have to call him that* He does ask if I'm ok. I tell him, Why you say that? He says, cause, what's going on in your head. *I"m puzzled* He eventually explains its about the tumor. I tell him I stress out about it. He backs off subject. *I wanted to open up* Later in conversation, I try to invite him to hang with group. He at first says where, then says he will be there, at end of conversation says maybe. GRRRRRR If he don't show up tomorrow after flatly inviting him, he's gonna hear it! Though I'm not sure I even want him in group, I'm more honest when with group. HE may not be ready for a more honest *sadder* me. ANyways, I'm off to bed. May write about what I have. Will talk to God see what he has to say about it. To ally *aka happykatz* PM me, we need to chat, or maybe I'll email you. That is all, bye.