*Keep in mind I wrote this on notepad on 25th, posted on 27th* Today started out very poorly. Went to breakfast and didn't see anyone wanted me at thier table. Though later I got invited to one by this "sister" named Lisa. After that, the day continued to suck as everyone hung out with thier group of friends during free time. So I just stayed on my bed. Was there till about lunch. Went in, seen no one again, so I just left without eating. Went out on my own.

I walked off feeling like all they preached about fellowship was baloney. I eventually went back to my room. Adam seemed concerned, but he couldn't do anything about thier behavior and my failure to connect with them. So later, I decided to go play basketball. Did good on defense, got tired, quit. Again, off to my room I went.

In my room, I was laying there in my room resenting everyone. Then, I think out of pity, I got invited to go jump off a rock near Mt. Shasta. *Not to far from the retreat* I go there, hike down, swam across part of waterfall, climbed up, then sat down. I was on top. Just up there frightened. First guy jumped. I look and decide I'm feeling fearless. So i ask them to show me where to jump by throwing a rock down. They do. I then jump. *rock is about 35ft high* One guy, Joe, didn't jump. He got taunted. I go again. This time, having the first guy snap some photos for me. *WIll get them developed and post later* We then leave. We get back just in time for dinner.

Here at the retreat, Adam tries to get me to interact. I tell him I do try, and that while everyone is nice, I'm not considered a friend. I then eat, nap, wake up for meeting. DIdn't get that many notes. I then go to lake area. This time, Crawadog is there talking to someone. I don't mind and just start writing this entry in the notebook. Then he comes to me, I close and he asks what I'm doing. I have my bible so I tell him I'm looking up verses. He then asks If I wanna talk. I tell him I don't mind. We talk, asks what I think of retreat. I'm pretty honest with him and he says that I should have a union with Christ first, then try to fellowshiping. He tells me that I shouldn't expect to get along right away, after all, I haven't exactly been around for them to even get to know me. He then leaves. So do I.

I go with him and see a guy named Ure *pronounced YOUR E* and Alex. *not to mention a few other of the russian click* ANyways, I hang for a sec, see Rebecca, we talk too. Is late, we leave after like 10 minutes. I think URE told Alex to talk with me cause he seen me alone with my notebook but didn't say anything. Alex tried slightly, but was obviously forced, at thtat point, I had given up on him. SO I then leave after the russian click walk off singing some russian song.

I go off to my room mad and sad. Feel like the whole thing was a waste. Mad at Alex for dissing me. Mad at other brothers for dissing me. Just upset. I cryed slightly on my bed before sleeping. I guess was feeling sad cause I was the outsider, something I hadn't been for awhile. In the morning, I felt stupid for even being upset, but that's beyond any point. That is all for this day. ~END~