So the baby finally came home on Thursday night. Went up there and they made sure that we had a car seat and knew how to change the baby. Apprantly, Michelle didn't know how. She was grossed out and scared of the poop. She made it through eventually though. It was funny, I wish I had recorded it. After arriving home and saying bye to my mom, it was just me, Michelle and him.
Oh hey, I never said how much he weighed and stuff. He was 7lbs 7 ounces and 19 inches long. Quite a large thing for all 5'0 100ish lbs of Michelle. And oh, Ricky, my older brother, had his son on the same day, with the same weight, 15 years ago.

Once here, he was his typical quiet self. He has my temperment afterall. He only gets fussy when he is getting changed or needs his food. No unnecessary crying yet. He likes to sleep, though he needs to eat and doesn't like to wake up. Well, not so much doesn't like it as just doesn't do it. We were actually the ones waking him up at 4 in the morning to be fed. He still spits up the formula food alot. He prefers the breast. So do I *:P*

Me and Michelle have both been involved when he is getting fed and being changed. I do more of the changing, she hands me stuff. When he's feeding, she does more so far, but I go and heat it up and get the tissues and stuff. So its good that way.

Michelle has mixed feelings, with more of it being positive. Obviously, some could be explained by the hormones. I'm trying to be as supportive as I could. I encourage her as she is really doing a good job for someone who has NEVER been around a baby before. Yeah, she seen them before, but that isn't taking care of them. Ofcourse, I am more experienced having done it w/ my sibling before. Still, it does taking some getting used to with the whole intense cryin like during diaper changes.

In other news, still got to go shopping for other necessities, like a stroller, blanket and more formula. *outside that which the hospital gave us* I suppose it won't be coming in the mail, like her sister said. She is the latest in the string of people who say they would buy something only to conveintly "forget" I actually decided to go look at some online logs and comments to see if people really said what I thought they said or if I was just hallucinating. No, I was right. I have them right here on notepad. I'm half tempted to post what I was told, though that would accomplish nothing. I just don't understand why people say things, UNPRESSURED, and then can't follow through on it. I'm pretty sure they meant it when they said it. Ofcourse, not coming through on what you say has the opposite effect. Again, no one owes me crap. I understand that. Just, I hate that people say all these great things and then when it comes down to it, they just flake. I mean, with this Ms. Fong lady for example, so she says that if we needed a ride for something related to the baby, that she would be able to help. She goes on and on and on........about all this concern about the baby she has and all this stuff. Yet, today, we needed to get formula for the baby and she backed out. Then, she tries to call back and tell me that we could go to the store to buy formula. Are you serious? Seriously, I DID NOT KNOW THAT! What, there is a nearby corner store I could buy it at. YEAH, I know! I also know they charge a crapload of money for the stupidest stuff. Not having an endless supply of money to go and blow, the only option was to go to the supermarket. I had to remind her that Michelle was layed off now. Luckily, we had some formula left from the hospital. I just thank my lucky stars that I don't have to rely on anyone. Not yet and hopefully not ever. Ms. Fong thinks she's so altrusitc but we know about how it fulfills her need to parent somebody, being 60 with no children and spouse. And Gawd, does she want to parent and critique EVERYTHING. Ok, cool deal, nothing wrong with that, just, lets not forget that everything is about exchange. No one is altruistic. i suppose I didn't give enough in exchange to get it. Ok, I understand that. Just, again, don't offer to back down, I got enough disappointment as it is. Don't worry, I won't ask you either, so we wouldn't have ockward moments. Did the ask thing one, was theoratical actually, got it but felt that it changed the nature of the friendship. *it was done mostly out of guilt, as opposed to genuinness* Its ok, a don't ask, don't offer policy is fine with me. I think its just safer for me to feel that everyone lies and will not be there when you need them. Well actually, Ray and my mom has come through of late. Real life people 2, online people, .5

I think I shall teach my son to not spend too much time on the computer but instead, go out and meet people. That research I read was right, the quality of online relationships pales in comparision to that of offline. I suppose the meat and bones thing allows for more authenticty and goes more for how we evolved. We react to immediate threats and rewards, doing less well with things that aren't evident. When I say lol and you do too, is there really a moment of connection or is it just something momentarily and done out of politeness. Out of sight, out of mind is the cliche. I don't SEE any children making my shoes, so I have no guilt in buying them, even though I know they do. (making only like 6 cents per pair) I'm guilty too then. That's what I hate about critical thinking. I can't just point the finger so boldly and self-righteously. I too am guilty of letting others done with what I say. *just ask Michelle* I dunno if being this honesty with myself is really a good thing, integrety wise. I feel it weakens me a bit to have that same anger I feel at others directed right back at myself. For every stone I throw, there are some being thrown at me.... Whenever I say how dare her, I then have to say, how dare I. Even when I don't do what I accuse others of, I know the capacity is still there.

I guess I should go now. Got 2 appointments for the baby tomorrow. He's got to get his bilibrum tested. *the jaudice thing* We also have to see the pediatrician. They are in 2 seperate locations. Thankfully, Ray is to the rescue. He disappointed me last week when he said he'd call me about going to walmart but didn't, but this is actually quite a big favor to ask of him. He's a seventh day adventist, so he goes to church normally on Saturdays. Yet, here he is, taking us to an appointment at 9:15, meaning he will have to get to our house at 8:45 and having to wake up earlier. He probaly won't be done with us till like noon, assuming we don't end up at Wal-Mart again. So yea... That helps lift me. The only one I actually assumed would come through from online, her sister, is still in la la (boycrazy) land. Well, late word is her parents might be actually coming through. (SHOCK!) They must surely think we are a wreck. To them, not finishing college *yet*, having a child and now having no income is about as bad as it could get. I'm still surprised her dad stopped just yelling at her and telling her that she needs to find a job and find a way to pay for stuff. This has been his way for literally years. He, if you can envision, is the prototyical asian immigrant guy. Hard working, very concerned about money and has little sympathy for feelings. He wants and has had his way and talks to Michelle as though she is the idiot and he is the source of all Truth. Considering he seriously wanted her to abort the child, I am pretty surprised he wants to help. Still...talk is cheap. I'm sure he feels good just for saying it.

The question is, whether the idea of helping is enough of a reinforcer to not make him feel like continuing or whether he seriously wants to help. My default position now, yeah right. I'm sure he'll either pick an argument or seriously just "forget". It however, is my position that forgeting isn't just an unfiring of a neuron but that people place a certain amount of importance on things. They remember the most important things or those with the biggest potentional reinforcement while "forgetting" those things that are trivial and least reinforcing. So, how many people you think forget to mail in a winning $10,000,000 lottery ticket? (or go in person, even if far) Any delay in mailing results in notifying the Lotto of the reasons behind your delay. Now, I know I'm not as reinforcing at $10,000,000, but ya know what, my point is that that is how people operate. (just ask B.F. Skinner or google behaviorism)

I love you all. I realize how limited we are. How limited I am. What a shame really. This life could be so much more if only.... Heaven, if it exsists, will have big scary God watching you, in a sense acting as both a positive and negative reinforcer, making sure you do what you are supposed to be doing. Its better that way I guess... Perfect bodies still leave imperfect minds. Nothing an electrical zap and a stern look can't fix! Later!