Michelle is having a bad day. My day isn't so great either. I decide that I am going to cook for her and comfort her as much as I can. So we decide on hamburger meat in tortillas with green beans for her. So I'm washing the pots and meat. *after some defrosting* I need the can opener. I ask Michelle where it is. She don't know. I ask her to get up, she don't want to. I get mad but continue to prep the meal. I find the canopener and I'm cooking. I am almost done with the green beans but need to know if I spiced them right and stuff. I ask her to get up and taste it. She refuses. I get mad that she is that lazy. So there goes the argument. I insist she atleast taste it, especially since I worked hard for it. SHe says she don't want no food anymore. I eat a portion but there is still alot of food there. *wasn't that hungry* More arguing.

So the argument continues and I say, "I want to leave you" She says go ahead. *not our first convo like this* I am angry and sad. I cry and take a shower to cool down. I then get out. I ask her if she loves me. She says "I dunno". I say, "answer yes or no." She says "I don't know anymore. I don't even love myself." She breaks down and crys. Then I ask her if she trusts me still. She doesn't and I'm upset. I say, "is it because our financial situation?" I reminded her about my plan to work full time in 2005. She starts to be ok because of that. She starts opening up However, that pisses me off. Its all a money situation for her. That is what will make her happy.

She has given up on the relationship a long time ago. She said it herself. SHe don't cook for me. Doesn't help with any chores. She could give a crap how I feel most of the time.

Ofcourse there is what I'm not probaly doing. *two sides to every story and breakup* She expects to be able to do her hair, go on vacations, buy new clothes, have a nice house, have a car. She can't do any of that and we don't have the money to buy those things. I haven't been able to fulfill the promises of those things because of various situations. Though I guess I could've tried harder. Haven't had the money to spend on being a romantic boyfriend.

We're in a sinking boat. Both our faults. Have enough money to maybe last through January. *maybe Feburary* So she is perhaps justifyed. Anyways, back to the question of love. If its just about dead, can it be revived? I care about her as a person, but love would imply a happy feeling around her. Still, we've gone through so much. Would feel like it was all for nothing. ANyways, she just showed up, got to talk about this very thing. Later