I also have a computer testing thing on the 13th of September. Its to work for the Transportation Security Agency. I'm trying to be the guy that scans you with that handheld thingy at the airport. The pay is the attractive thing there, it starts at $12 an hour. That is something nice. Plus I'm applying to so I can do disability testing at the college. So something has to come through.
Besides all that, I've still been focusing a lot on death. I don't know why I am. I believe that is has to do with the fact that science shows no indication of an afterlife. Faith says otherwise ofcourse. I am probaly closer to faith but still am VERY skeptical. I am tired of being skeptical. I just want to feel like there is meaning in my life beyond reproduction. Like I've said before, if this REALLY is it, this sucks!
In other news, I just hate people sometimes. Well all keep screwing up everything. The environment is going to hell. So many wars about stupid ass shit. The culture I'm in is controlled by billionaires. People in general keep projecting thier inner hate outwards. What's worse is that I feel that I'm being sucked into the hate and apathy. Its so easy to just give up caring. Its so easy just to take my problems out on everyone I meet. But then I'd hate myself. I can't be the people I hate. I hate to say I hate some people, but I think its the accurate word. Just knowing that some people think such mean thoughts gets me mad. I mean, God forbid your even slightly fat in this culture. Or God forbid you don't act the way want you to act.
Anyways, I should stop ranting. I need to find peace for myself. I'm trying to see the good in people. There is some good. I got to forgive me for all the stuff I've done. I've got to forgive others too. Even though I don't believe they deserve any forgiveness.I don't deserve forgiveness either. Supposedly, if I can forgive myself and others, then the compassion will come in. So far, the only compassion I have is for people in circumstances beyond thier control, like those kids in Rwanda that are kidnapped and either forced to kill or forced to have sex with the "rebel" army. Well, ya'll also know I have compassion for emotionally wounded humans. Awww, humans are so cute when they're humble and reaching out. Kids are also worthy of compassion. Until about 13. Ugh, some teens are so unbearable. Yet, I could be working with them. LOL, the irony. Maybe the challenge will help me grow.
Hmm..........whatelse. Me and Michelle are doing alright. Again. Next entry we may hate each other, you never know. Getting a "steady" job should help. If not, then there could be problems. Well, that's all for now. Later
Comments (4)
Saw u'd posted, thought I'd stop by and see what's goin on with you.
G'luck with the interviews. The way I see it, money shouldn't make the world go round but it kinda/sorta does and I'd go for the higher paying one if it appeals to you. would seriously make life a little easier eh?
K. I'm out.
hUgGs,
sHiNe*
For some reason I think of you whenever I watch the Andy Milonakis show, not because you look like him (you are way cuter) but because he has some sort of thing going on where he looks wayyy younger than he is (he is 29).
Anyway, just rambling and babbling. Take care and good luck with the job hunt.
lol...i wondered if you'd remember me.
I used to write as l3lueyes way back in the day when the loverly @nnette was still here, but i've been writing as shine for years now.
Just thought i'd come back and do the whole clarity thing on who i am.
hUgGs,
sHiNe*