Well, the doc said the "freakin bumps" are just a reaction from my body to the bad case of diahrea I had. She gave me hydrocortison cream. Thanks for the responses though. I'm still skeptical to be honest. I don't see it getting better and hydrocortison is anti-itching cream. I explicitly told the doc that it wasn't itching.

Life goes on. Right now, I feel angry. I shouldn't really. Me and Michelle have really been doing excellent. I guess its just I feel very isolated from others. All my communication with others is strictly formal. Even online, I just don't have much to say to anyone. I did have a decent convo with kaliko but that got cut off abruptly. She had a few things to do which, I understand. Lord knows how many times I had to go and do things. Though the next time I will likely see her online is probaly a year from now. The cats would have it no other way. heh

I think I'm just angry too because I try to be a good person and all this and I feel society is just mean to me. I feel that I'm left all alone out here. My mom is more like a lil kid than a parent I could turn too. She misses work frequently and her job isn't even daily. She complains about the trivial and is always picking at my life when she can't even handle hers. I got no other outside family. My sister is arrogant and bitchy. She's got worse since she got a boyfriend. Though she has been like that since being a teen. Its expected but I feel slighted considering how much time and effort I put into her and my brother's upbringing and yet they tell me not to drink some milk. *by the way, there was alot of milk* And its not just milk, that's just what pops in my mind. The worse thing is probaly the fact that when I was living in a motel and my mom had an extra bedroom, they didn't once call me or beg my mom for me to stay there.

I can feel the anger and bitterness slipping in me. I fight it with the logic I have. I also try to turn to God. Though I tend to get angrier and blocked off as time goes by. I'm making it but I feel so angry at how hard it was for me. Yet it could be worse. Alot worse. Though I honestly can say I don't care how worse others have it right now. Me, gonna focus on me. Focusing on others has got me where? Least I got Michelle on my side. I know she wants what's best for me. Though I don't like all my eggs in one basket. It leaves me more vulnurable and gives her leverage. Its not like I have a real choice. I've reached my hand out there and never really been reached too. I've had some great moments with people. Almost everybody on my notify list has had atleast one very good moment with me. Though the problem is the internet and availability. I can't reach people when I most need to talk to them and face to face 2 face would make things different. But why focus on what ifs. Reality is I have to focus on what's out here for me and putting myself in more situations where I find more like minded people. Thing is, when you have 2 different selves, how do you find that? Where do you find atheist christian people who both love helping people and hate being around percieved parasites?

I guess God is the only real choice for me. As long as I can go without thinking the religions that worship Him aren't full of hopeful but ultimately delusional people. Is the cognitive dissonance about death why there is religion? That's where faith comes in.

As for society, most of ya'll can screw off for all I care. That's the message I got and just returning it back.