Today I was wondering, why, why have been feeling so down. Why can't I handle the stress of life sometimes, while other times, the stress of life hardly phases me. Also wondered, why is it I can keep myself up for a bit, then fall down.

I believe i know why. I have been relying on my own power. For awhile, it works. Then I lose emotional strength. Little by little, i lose my grip on things. Eventually sinking down to some new emotional low. Nothing new. Have wrote about it here on DD. How this time I'm going up out of this low and gonna keep myself postitve.

The solution. Rely on God. NOt just believing in him but actually using him to help me. I believe this shared strenght will help me. To build this up, I'm gonna actually spend time in prayer. Not just do it before I sleep. I'm gonna sit there and try to do what HE would have me do. Not what I would have me do. And when a problem comes up, i'm not gonna say, I wonder what i'm gonna do. I'm gonna say, God, what would YOU have me do. When stress comes around, I'm gonna think, God, i know you must have a purpose for this. I may not know it yet, but i'm sure it will be revealed.

When did i come up with all this, in the shower. Was there, talking to God. I was like, GOD, if your there, tell me, what to do then. HOw to solve this sadness. Why do i keep messing up. Basically, was told that maybe I should turn to him when in a problem. And not only that, but during good times as well. Thank him when I do recieve a blessing, no matter how small.

Sounds like a good plan to myself. I believe that if i do this, i will be happy. Not happy everyday, cause that's impossible. Just content. Content with life in general and stuff because right now, i'm not.

As for my day, not much. Did alot of sleeping. Watched some sports. Later, played with lil bro and sis. Also,my mom was being a happy drunk. Was being really funny and nice to me. Was telling me how much she loved me and stuff. :) While talking to her, found out something disheartening. Apparently, when she goes to ride the bus to work, she gets Dizzy spells. She says, she don't faint, but she feels really dizzy. SHe says while feeling dizzy, she could feel her heart race. SHe is concerend. SO am I. She wants to go to doctor and find out what it is. I'm scared. I hope it isn't something life-threatening. That is all.