Seems like life is returning to its usual sucky self for me. Yesterday, was ok I suppose, had house to myself as my grandma went to the hospital and my mom with the former foster parent. *that is really odd how that works* They aren't together like that though, don't get the wrong impression. Unfortunately she is still with Lorenzo. She just helps out with the kids there cause the foster mom passed away. *I guess she is being the mother figure for now, wish she'd be the mother figure here* The whole day I was just in my room wondering if my grandma would be ok. Apparently, one of her pills has adverse reactions to beer. *she knew that* She got back later on.

My mom also came home with some burger king. *been so long since I've had fast food for dinner* SO I eat that and call Jeff. He notices sad tone in my voice, asks me what is wrong. I tell him and he is like, "I'm gonna get you help." I say, "EXCUSE ME" He says," You say you hate your life, I don't want you doing anything stupid, I know there is the number somewhere around here" At that point I think I know what number he's looking for. I tell him, "Jeff, don't do anything stupid" He tells me, "Then you don't do anything stupid" After that, we talk. He is all concerned and stuff. Said he won't let me sleep till I promise him I won't do anything. He then goes on about how he cares and how others care. So I have to promise him like 5 times before he believes me. So he tells me that he's gonna let me go and check up on me. So I hang up. No more than 5 minutes go by, he calls just to ask if I'm ok. I tell him yeah and he's cool with that. Says he's gonna call me at noon.

Today, I wake up and wait his phone call. 2 hours go by and I'm kinda upset. I call there. He's busy and stuff. So I tell him to call when he's done. He doesn't. I go to my mom and ask to eat. *since she's here, might as well get something* She makes pancakes and sausage. Not enough to fill me up, but was better than nothing. After a short while, i go to sleep. I wake up, see if he called, he didn't. I call him, he is watching movie. So get off phone with him and start to think.

As I think, I'm realizing that I can't be relying on others too much to make me feel better. Is a bad habit I got. Ask alot of my chat friends, they know what I mean. Well not as much on my chat friends any more cause I got Jeff. Thing is, he is only one person. He has his own problems. I got mines. I got to solve mines like everyone else does. I need prayer that I can handle crap on my own. I need to stop attaching myself to people. *man, i hate writing that* I use to be so independant. Need to get there again.

Ok, time to "look on the bright side" Something I want to include in each entry from now on. *is Jeff's idea* Ok, well, atleast I'm in a country that is good to thier people and atleast I have access to such things as a computer and phone. Ok, that is all. ~END~