It all started Friday. I had a lot to do. I seen the dentist. I went to a clinic to confront a denial of services by a specialist. I went to talk to my former landlord about returning our deposit. So that was tiring. Then, I seen Ray's mom.

I say hi to her. She initially continues to look at produce, then greets me. She then says that Ray, my former best friend, is preaching for the first time tomorrow *last saturday*. She then asked me if I wanted to go. Despite the fact that I had to work, I decided to say yes. I was VERY interested in seeing him preach. So I tell Michelle.

She is less than excited to hear that I want to take off work to see him. Though there isn't much she could've said to me to stop me. She initially didn't want to go. Later, she would.

Though as Saturday rolled around, I started to rethink what happened between me and Ray. *as Michelle was happy to remind me of too* He had ignored me for quite awhile. He was always busy and I told him all this plus I thought he was ungrateful for the presents I got him. Despite the fact he never got me anything. *I know I wrote about some time back in '03*. But as you know if you read me at all, I always felt bad for chewing him out and telling him I didn't want to be his friend anymore. Especially since he had been going through alot himself.

So that was my goal when his mom came to pick me to see him. I just wanted to say sorry and I see him preach. Especially since we went to sabbath school for years as little kids.

His mom tells me he didn't know I was coming. So I arrive at the church. I seen ALOT of familiar faces. They all remember me from the years I used to be an adament seventh day adventist. So I sit on the pews and I see Ray. He didn't see me yet. He looks nervous and even taller than I remember.

So as people are giving thier customary prayer requests aloud *which is the norm there*, his mom motions that I'm near her to him. He looks and has THE MOST SURPRISED and CONFOUNDED LOOK I've seen in a long time. I have this smile like, "Oh my God, was this my best decision". He goes on and then someone speaks before him. He then gives out a sermon stating that we as a church need to be more like family. That as God's people, we should be tight knit and close. Also goes on to state that if some people don't show up to church, we should call to see if everything is ok. And that we should have a "prayer partner".

I like the sermon and Michelle thought he was trying to make people feel guilty. So, as I got out my pew, many of the church women came over to hug me. I also seen one of the girls that used to hang out with my lil sister. She is SO grown now. She seems to have turned out good. Unlike her sisters, that have a load of kids and aren't doing too much. Anyways, I feel nervous leaving because Ray's shaking hands with people and I'm going to have to say what I got to say.

I wait for others to leave so I can tell him. I do apologize and he says its alright. Though I wondered if he was just saying that. He asked me how I was and about my family. We then proceeded to the potluck.

We ate and I didn't have much. Not much of my diet fits into the vegan lifestyle. Michelle, on the other hand, is loving the food. I briefly look for Ray and we chat for a minute. After the food, his mom was ready to go. He was in a meeting with a few other guys. I went to say bye to him. He then surprised me and told me to hold on so that we could hang out.

He takes half an eternity and then comes out. He has this other guy with him and this blind girl. I thought he was going to take them home. Instead, we go to another "church", if you wanna call it that. It is a small suite in a hidden location. It is *for lack of a better word* a sect of seventh-day adventists with the label "Present Truth Ministries". Ray tells me that the SDA denomination doesn't reconize them because the message is "controversial" and too real. Ok, I guess I'm interested in this place.

What a mistake this was! The guy is a nutjob. His name is Stephen D. Lewis. He is like a conspiricy theorist. He really really thinks the passion of the Christ was put so the catholic church can show how great Mary was. Ok. He thinks rock and roll is a demonic scheme that really is symbolic of sex. And one remark boardered on anti-sementic. He said, "I don't know why the United States protects Isreal!? This is a people that crucified JESUS! What is wrong with this picture" He said other things too that I don't disagree with him as much, as in regard to the use of speaking in tonuges. Still, he speaks with anger and contempt.

Yet, Ray and his friends were eating up what he was saying. They're all like, "WOW! He really does say it like it is!" I get Ray to side for a minute and say, "This guy is really off base". Ray says, "He is trying to get adventists to follow a higher set of standards. He puts the bar so high that even if we don't meet it, we're on the right track". *Because alot of what this guy says is that adventists aren't doing enough* So he says he's going to drop off his friends. Ok, this looks optimistic. *at another church event* I have to take care of some business at T-mobile.

We have a bit of free time and he talks about how lost he was a few years ago and how he dated this horrible girl. He also met his dad. Which is something I could totally relate to because I haven't seen my dad in over 19 years. I was happy for him. And his dad helped him with a car and he had this picture of them on a computer at his daytime job celebrating a 24th birthday with his dad and other siblings *he grew up as an only child*. Something I had a small bit of envy about having met his dad and it being happy. Though I think I felt more happy for him than anything.

It was a nice bit of time. It was almost like the friendship never ended. Though later we ended up to help his friend with a computer problem. It seemed like it was going to be quick. It was initially, nothing a system restore couldn't fix. Then, the guy wanted him to help him to set up a webcam between him and his wife. In the meantime, he offered Ray and a roomate a sandwich. For me and Michelle, who were starving at the moment, NOTHING. No offer, NADA. I was shocked because he was suppose to be this upstanding church guy. I just felt insulted by it. Especially because I helped get the webcam going for his wife *and Michelle* and his roomate, and Nothing. Then, to add insult to injury, when we did finally get to leave, *midnight* he slips some money in Ray's shirt pocket. I turn around and sarcastically thank the guy for the hospitality. I should've said more, but I dunno.

That was it. Oh wait, somewhere in the car, I think I said something Ray took the wrong way. When I asked him what his career goal was *because apparently, he isn't a full time pastor*, he said X-ray technician. I asked him, "Are you passionate about it?" He says,"No, but they make good money. Its either that or be a correctional officer like my dad". I say, "If you're not passionate about it, you're wasting your time. The money will come when you are doing something you love." Later, he said, "that was a lil negative. Is that not what you expected of me" I told him, "I told Vanessa that if she was passionate about being a janitor, then it was ok. Because, you will spend half your awake life doing something. Might as well it be something you enjoy".

He didn't say anything else. Normally, I don't say anything when people say something they're not passionate about but are settling for it. But I felt as someone who was *is?* his friend, I had to be honest. SO I dunno if he thinks I'm dissappointed in him or what. Maybe a lil too honest after all that time? But really, I really mean it about being passionate about your job as being important. I tell it to everyone in one way or another. I just think it is a personal truth that I want to share with everyone. I dunno. But I will see him again tomorrow. He is coming with some "bible worker". They will help Michelle with bible study. Though it might end up like an inquisition to them. Michelle recently told me she doesn't believe in a soul anymore. Something I adamently argued against. I dunno about much, but I am almost certain there is a soul. Though she has a good point that much that many think is the soul are just processes of the brain. ANyways, I'm feeling fatigued. That's all for now.