Was a crazy day. Started with me and Michelle waking up. Eventually my lil bro and sis unwrap their gifts. I watch and they look at me bitterly. That is because I didn't get them anything. I am not heavy with money nor do they deserve any this year. They have been really disrespectful and bad overall. After the unwrapping is done, Rick and my mom start to talk about me. They call me the grinch and get good laughs at my expense. That ofcourse leads to an argument.
I shut my door on them and just yell at them. Rick is making jokes *as always* and is really pissing me off. I tell him how much I hate him and all the reasons I do. I start to tear up but he can't see me because I'm behind my door. Eventually I stop and then I got a Booming headache and i'm crying my head off. My mom comes in and offers a hug. She apologizes for not treating me right and for dismissing my tumor all the time. *shock number 1* She leaves and then Rick wants to come in. I'm like OMG, would he just go away, I'm not in the mood for more of his crap. He comes in and *shock number 2* he is teary eyed too. *guilt trip musta got to him* He hugs me and says he don't like to hate me. He says he sorry for what he did in the past and stuff. I accept but still in disbelief. He eventually wants me to go play lord of the rings in his garage. I go later.
In the meantime, Michelle is bored and I'm not sure what to think. We talk and cuddle. Afterwards I eat dinner and the day basically ends.
As for after all that, I'm not sure whether that was a one time thing or that was a serious turning point. I'm thinking the former. Thier behavior isn't going to change. My mom's hasn't. It's hard enough to take me to the corner store in her truck.
Other than that, just here thinking how much i envy people with good christmas'. I actually hate hearing about how wonderful it was for anyone; especially if they how a bunch of family around being all happy. My friend Alex told me about how good his was and i couldn't help but to feel some bitterness. It burns me cause I will NEVER have that. If I'm ever to get over this, I will definatly need divine intervention. Anyways, that is all my patheticness for now... ~END~
Comments (2)
Hubby has been laid off for about a month now, due to a back injury. He's only just started collecting unemployment -- a whole $83 a week. I told him not to get me anything for Christmas, mostly because we didn't have the money. So he and I didn't exchange presents this year. What was important was having him.
Thing is, and I see this in every one of your entries, even when you do pray you lack one thing. Trust. I know it's hard for you, yet you trust Michelle. Who else should you also trust except God?
And you're wrong about one other thing. Someday there will be a Christmas just like you think it should be. Things will not always stay this way unless you let it. Besides, Christmas isn't about presents. It is and always should be about family and thinking of them and treating them the way you want to be treated. And I'm not just talking about family as in immediate relatives.
The greatest sin my friend is despair. The greatest profanity is 'hopeless'. Things are far from hopeless. And that is God's present to us all.
>^..^<