In the last couple days, stuff has happened. AS always, thus the nature of life. Ok, let me dive into this entry starting with the 6th.
Wake up and go to the college. Head to class then get out. Go to libary, pick up a the DSM 3 *its about mental disorders*. After that, I go to the student center. Talk briefly then go to my class.
After my class, I go in student center, I see Jesse laying on Jaime. He is smiling and I look, then turn away. I'm thinking, what a horny b!^&#. I then walk out and walk with Brian to his next class. She goes and catches up with us. She then starts to make a few excuses as to why she was like that. I tuned her out, she made herself look bad, no if ands or butts. SO anyways, we drop Brian off at class and its me, Jesse, and Donald.
We are walking when Jeff yells WAIT!!! I tell Jesse to run. We try to get Donald to but he doesn't. After awhile of hiding, we find them and then JEff walks away. He eventually comes back with his headphones on and asks why i'm doing that. Tell him its just for fun. *though I did want to bug him* I then state to him that I'm not buying lunch because he's expecting it. *last time, he wanted me to buy him lunch* He says he'll rob someone and get some. I look at him and tell him PLEASE! You don't got to do anything for money. I then say, "Don't make me go there" *implying that I will tell everyone that he gets money from mommy and daddy* He then starts to walk behind everyone. I then start asking him why he's tripping. I then start to argue with Jeff when JEsse pulls me ahead of them and tells me just to have a good time. I tell her briefly why me and Jeff don't click well anymore.
We eventually end up at McDonald's. Eat and talk. Its mainly me patronizing JEff. Jesse then has to work and asks me if I can go, that way she don't get bugged and that me and him won't argue. So I go on the bus with her and its PACKED! She then stands behind me. Before I know it, I feel something on my neck. It feels wonderful, then I realize, OMG, she's licking it. I hesitate for a second before it kicks in that hey, Don't be doing that, You got someone. I then pull away and look at her like don't do it again. We then find a seat. We sit down and she realizes how tense I am. She wants to massage it. Its time to get off and she eventually doesn't. I walk her to her work telling her the grand reason why I don't get along with Jeff. She then invites me to Sunday Celebration. *christian thing, if you recall, I've went with Jeff friends awhile ago* I tell her if my schedule's free. *though its not to be with her, its more of a be with christ thing* I then go off to work
At work, its as lame as usual. I eventually get off. I get home and call Michelle immediatly after I see her online. We talk about a few things until my day comes up. I tell her and she tells me she isn't mad but wants to know what I want of Jesse. She says I could date Jesse if I want. Though she pointed out the fact I got mad when she was getting flirted with. So she then asks me what I want. An open relationship, or closed one. She reminds me that she isn't moving here for about 2 years. *she will visit this winter break* I tell her I want a closed relationship because I know me Jesse will never be anything more or anything. I wonder for awhile while thinking what to pick. The reason, I'm not gonna lie, I do like being flirted with especially since for the longest time I had low self esteem. I addressed that to Michelle and she told me what is it I want. She is ok with whatever. I tell I want a closed one. The reason, I'd rather have her not date others. I dunno, I'm kinda scared of losing her. Or the reverse, what if I date someone and then I end falling for someone else and then Michelle would be left in the dust. I'd totally hate myself if that happened.
After discusing that for a good while, we changed subjects and talked about wacky stuff. Michelle and I are gonna end up doing crazy and weird things. Among other things. After a good 4 hour conversation, we get off the phone. After that, I realize, OMG, the phone bill is not gonna be pretty. Oh well. Its money WELL spent.
As for today, very lame, stayed home. Went to work, got bored as heck. Get home, go online see if Michelle is there, she isn't. I then write this entry. As of right now, thinking about God. I've so left him in the dust. Its sad. Spiritually, I feel like I totally let him down. I ignored him. And if he was a human, he would've cut off our relationship. What's sad is, not only have I left him in the dust, but I feel like some of my friends. Donald called me while I was talking to Michelle, I don't even pick up the other line. Rosie comes online and tries to chat, I don't, she just wants cds though. Alex comes online, I tell him i'm on the phone and he tells me to call him when i'm off. Though by then, its REALLY late, so I don't. : ( Oh, the comments, Those were REALLY good ones. Thanks for leaving them. I think shadowrose but it best when she said something along the lines of don't rely on someone to always bring you up, rely on God. *something like that, that's what I got out of it* Anyways, tomorrow I am gonna see if I can stick to my word and blow Jesse off. 99% of me wants to. The other 1% wants to keep getting flirted with. WHY? The esteem boost. ARgh, stupid 1 percent! Anyways,t hat is all, ~end~