Alot of things on my mind right now. Everything from my relationship with Michelle, to my tumor. Lots of stuff I'm gonna ramble on about.

Well, gonna start with what on my mind, my stupid tumor. Lately its been acting up even though I took my lame medicine. Though I wonder if it has to do with the fact I've only been taking half doses due to the fact that I don't want to keep buying it as often. The main one, parlodel, goes for $132. A lil on the pricey side especially since I"m only making minimum wage, 6 hours a week for 4 days and having to buy my own food. I tried to apply for medi-cal again, I can't. I filed for a hearing but I"m certain I'm not gonna get it unless I file for disability. I don't want to because I feel it will effect my future employment. I feel a damned if I do, damned if I don't situation. Only thing I'm thinking is if I go to the support group and ask if there any other way to pay for my pills and doctor visits. I almosted decided to just pay for an appointment but the doctor's office said that I need $50 present to be seen then, I will have a bill sent to me for the rest. When I inquired about how much that bill could turn out, they couldn't even give me a ballpark since every visit varies in cost. I asked for someone I could talk to who knew, she said no one knew. *VERY ODD* Though I'm still thinking of chancing it. Hopefully I can get my doctor to give me a paper stating i'm disabled just in case I decide to file disability. I dunno yet, thinking. Scared of what might happen if I don't get seen soon and don't take my medicine. I haven't been there in a LONG time. I think Augest is the last time. Thank goodness the stupid annual MRI thingy ain't till November.

On other things, the relationship with Michelle has been both up and down. Typical I assume. I say for every down hour with her, there are 23 up hours. Mostly over little things. We are very attached. Though it is hard when we aren't speaking to each other. Typical relationship thing I suppose. Only thing I worry about in the relationship is getting too comfortable and we only consider ourselves. I see small signs here and there. Time will tell.

As for life itself, 9.5 on the stress level. Bills, health, studying, co-workers, family, and sometimes Michelle. Very little time for relaxation or anything. ok, here's my routine. Wake at 5:30 AM. Shower and get ready for work. 7:15, leave with my mom and get dropped off at the college. Wait for the bus till 8. Start work at 8:30. Get off at 2:30. Go to bus straight to college. From there, study till 5:15, go to classes. Get off at around 8:15PM most days. Get picked up and get home. Eat dinner around 8:30 and then go on the computer. Usually study or lay on bed till 10PM. SLEEP, then all over again. Even lame weekend class.

So that's why what's going on with me right now. While it seems like alot, I feel like I'm getting nowhere fast alot. Only thing that really worries me is that its gonna get harder. Long story short, I am gonna try to get harder/ higher paying job with 8 hours and classes are getting harder and harder. Also feel like its gonna get harder if I don't get my act together and spend some with God. ....sometimes I wonder if Michelle is the only thing keeping me from getting overwhelmed. Dangerous in a psychological way because I depend on her. I nearly feel like i NEED her. From all the stuff I've read, this relationship is nearly an addictive one. Well, would probaly write more but need to get more of my fix, er, Michelle. ;) That is all. ~END~