So my mom said that she would move out on her own and that I could take the kids. She storms off into her room. I assume she is angry and doesn't really mean what she is saying. Well, she leaves after Lorenzo shows up. Which, he wasn't even suppose to know our address. So she is gone and doesn't show up until the next day. So I ask her in the morning time *when she's sober* if she was serious about leaving me the kids. She says that if they don't want to go with her that she'll leave on her own. She says that she's tired of it all.

I talk to my lil brother and sister about it and they already know that she feels this way and would prefer being with me. So that is how that stands.

It seems that my mom is going through some serious depression and anxiety. I belive much of it is due to her drinking habit. She also hasn't achieved much in her life and has little purpose left in her. She's anxious because she thinks the world is so horrible thanks in part to her addiction to TV news. While I think I get that trait of liking news from her, she doesn't know how to process what is being said. She doesn't see the biases and how the media uses the "if it bleeds it leads" approach to winning over audiences. So yeah, she's not doing so hot. I'd have more sympathy for her if she wasn't super judgemental and someone who tries to portray herself as the victim to everything. Anyways, I'm off of what I wanted to say.

I wonder if she did leave the children to me what the hell I'd do. I guess I could get money from the state and try to manage that situation. I already know how to manage the kids being that I mostly raised them from when they were little. I just don't know how I'd balance college with that. Though they're not tiny anymore. Lil sister is 16 and lil brother is 12. Still, I worry that not enough time with a parent figure there could be emotionally damaging. Time will tell what really happens.

In other news, me and Michelle aren't clicking that much lately. We're best friends but sorely missing the more romantic part of the relationship. We've also been at odds about who should do what chores around the house. I do the majority being that she works but she hasn't wanted to do any chores lately. What's more frustrating is that she is more messier than me and I hate it that she leaves a lot of stuff just lying around. She frustrated at me because I've been lazy in the job department. We need money and I'm just not at work. So I understand her anger around that and I'm on it now but I should've been on it more earlier.

Hmm, I don't even feel halfway done. This is going to be a long entry. *heh* I guess since I haven't wrote in a few days I need to write out somewhere. Plus I just didn't have the privacy I wanted to write an entry.

Well here at the college, my classes actually have both been talking about sexuality. Its a touchy issue when you think about things concerning hermaphrodites *or as they like to be called, intersexed* individuals. Which bathroom do they go to? What clothes should they wear? If they want to be both male and female, how do you as a psychologist help them cope with that? We discussed things like there being more than 2 types of genders. *as in, personality wise* You could a mixture of all sorts. All this makes me wonder how Christian psychologists deal with all this. The bible says there is male and female but genetically, people can and are mixed sometimes. From what I hear, they deal with it as a disease to be "cured" but the evidence doesn't show that its a disease. They say the same thing for homosexuality. At some point I have to come to terms with something because I'm very much a middle ground sort of person. I believe in acceptance and love everyone but what about human standards? Isn't society messed up because we've become a bit lenient? Or is it that it was in fact a lot worse before and we're finally just gathering stats as to how bad it is and therefore use stats as weapons to say soceity being too liberal is bad. I believe the best solution is just to be accepting even if you don't agree with it. I don't believe that the government can or should legislate morality. Still, there is this Christian side of me that is incompatible with all this and says that we should God's will according to the Judo-Christian Bible. I guess what I'm trying to really decide is if I'm really just indoctrinated and blinded by a major religon/ dominant culture or is it that God is watching us and has a standard for which we should live by.

The best solution I've come up with is to view each issue as it pertains to love of humanity. Any social policy shouldn't create more hate than already exists. For example, I'm against flag burning because I think that someone who burns thier flag outside creates a social tension that could result in hate of another. Second, you got to allow a degree of freedom as long as it doesn't physically hurt you. For example, I may not like someone killing a child to abortion, but I shouldn't try to force my morality on someone else. I also think that using love to decide what should happen in society is consistant with God's will as God is described as love. Anyways, I got Michelle next to me and she wants me to go with her so I guess I'll go.