Hmm, today I went to the college only to be persuaded to leave before leaving campus. *truth is, i wanted to leave campus* Jeff had to leave early to help mom out. I decided to go walking with him. We talk about God and movies that are "christian" I personally haven't seen any. He has recommanded some. *might see them* He also reminded me that God has plan for me. *don't know why, but I guess around him my pessimissim really is showing* We go on bus, talk some more, he gets off. I end up getting off to get me ice cream. *needed it*

Get back on bus to go home. Read psychology book. Is very interesting book it is. THink my friend Ray has avoidant personality. *though ofcourse this is my first psych class, so of course is just a guess* I call him when I get home. He is surprised. *i never call him* Talk to him bout what i think, he agrees somewhat. We talk about other things for a while. Then he gets off. I watch some tv then Jeff calls. :) Tells me there is a Kings game. *basketball* We watch and talk on phone at same time. Was very cool, though got a lil down when lil sis started dissing me. She didn't want to talk to me, think she's getting older on me. :( Jeff noticed change in voice, try to comfort me, but his phone died. Watched most of game when he called back. He had another phone that didn't die. :) Is ok till my mom's "friend" comes by. ARgh, don't like her. She wants my mom to party. *lady is way too old to be partying* Oh yeah, forgot to add, Jeff prayed with me. :) He is really nice guy. While praying, he called me best friend. !!!!! YAY!!!!!!! I thanked him for praying and stuff. After game, he let me go cause his girlfriend called him.

I get off and come on computer. Start thinking about what I will get for lil bro and sis. *another thing i need to say, Jeff asked what I want for christmas, told him not sure, he asked what i liked to do, told him i didn't know* :( Will be a small christmas for lil bro and sis. And for me. Not even sure what I want cause not sure what I like to do for fun. Ever notice that, I don't have "fun" things I do. Anyways.....

Chat to Ray. We have came with plan to liven up church we go to. Was interesting. Get off chat to ibite. was cool lil chat. Though she stopped talking when her guy *or something like that* got online. Was a lil sad cause no one else was online but hey, came to do this entry.

Man, i need to get off this stupid internet find real people to talk to. Preferably a girl that i can date. I might just start asking out others instead of being so calculating about it. I wait too long, then is too late by time i'm ready. Stupid hormones are like on high latly. Is like I've really felt need for one in past couple weeks. *must be stupid testostorone* I hate that. Hate its effects. Once i get deeper voice, i discontinue. Not only do i have that fluctuating, got the other hormones of mines up and down. *stupid tumor got them all messed up* I don't know why i'm feeling such strong need to be loved. I always had it, but now is almost intense. Is alot on my mind. Should be other things, but it isn't. Anyways, i'm off for now.