Well, that last few days have been pretty hectic. NOthing that signifigant on the outside world, more like something happened on the inside. Well, let me start on the 9th first.

Thursday started with me waking up down. Kinda feeling like me and Eliza will never be and all that I will be majorly let down. With that in mind, I go to the college down. I bump into Nick who tells me that Eliza said she never went with us on Tuesday. I later confront Eliza about it, she says that she said technically, she never came up to the college, so it didn't count. *whatever, she lied to him, though I'm not sure why* After that, I go to weight training, lift weights *duh, what else would i do in there* get out. I then notice some event is going on outside. Eliza and Ayumi are on stage too. I run over there. They get off. Taking part in some hawain tradition. *not sure which* I then try to talk to her, she is kinda ignoring me. I leave her alone while feelig even dumber for allowing myself to start to like her. I then decide to go to bible study.

I'm there and hoping to see Rebecca so I can snap a picture. *she isn't there* I see Alberto and Crawadog there. We start the study. Was pretty good. Talked about us being like boats, and life being the ocean. God the lighthouse. I talked to Crawadog after about how it all sounds good, but I enjoy life more while being "worldly". He tells me that if I continue in my quest with God, that he will bring the joy and lifelong satisfaction. I then try to get a picture of him and Crawadog, they invite me to church. Say they will take it there. I laugh. *lame attempt, but I decide to go for it* I get out and go near cafeteria, group is out there.

Lots are there, but I'm not comfortable with any of them at that point. *also had a headache* I leave after maybe 5 minutes of sitting there and eating. I go on bus to dentist. While on the bus, I start to have this inner schism. One side of me wants to have lots of fun and just enjoy life while i'm here. ME-centered. The other side wants me to obey God and seek true happiness through God. SO I start thinking of practical applications for my life and get frustrated with myself. I then arrive at the dentist.

At the dentist, I get some molds of my teeth done and some x-rays. I HATE IT! I have a minor phobia of dentist. I can't control it. I get all nervous and nausiated. I nearly threw up like 3 times. WHen I leave, I'm VERY happy and relieved. FInd out that I have an appointment Friday. Teeth cleaning, then braces. :( *I will be a brace-face*

I go home and chat with angelnowhere. *a diarist here at DD* She is nice and tells me something i take to heart. Even saved part of the chat so I could post it. Hope she don't mind.

Tino: Being a christian is hard
Nichole aka Franch Frie: o i'm sorry to hear that
Nichole aka Franch Frie: i know
Tino: I've had such a miserable past and now I'm finally breaking free of the sorryiness of my life
Tino: being a christian
Tino: would only add struggles
Tino: though I'm always told God will handle them
Nichole aka Franch Frie: being a christian should make u happier
Tino: but it doesn't, all that happens is that I end up feeling guilty
Tino: I don't really get along to well with christians either
Tino: seem superficial
Tino: feel like i have to maintain an image with them
Tino: u never feel that way?
Nichole aka Franch Frie: no way i never feel that way... christians aren't here to judge u... u shouldn't care what anyone thinks just as long as u know ur doing whats right... i don't try to impress anyone and i don't feel like i have to
Tino: well said
She had to go after that. I then stay online and chat to others. *I LOVE MY ONLINE FRIENDS!* I even chat to Danielle. *she attends same college as me* She asks what was up with me and offers her ear to me. Gives me her phone number and says I'm always welcomed over her place. That makes me feel happy. I think she has the capability to be a really good friend of mines. *though will be hard cause her fiancee my trip when he comes back from military* Eventually, I get off and go to sleep.

Today, I wake up late and miss my class. I hang out a bit with Raymond, Awilda, Alisha, and Donald. They are ok. Quite boring actually. I have to leave them cause I have to go to dentist for cleaning. *that is before braces* I go and have to get more x-rays. I gag. I was so nervous. NO matter what I think, I can't get over it. I did calm once the actual cleaning took place. *the way I did it was to remember lyrics to my favorite love song, Heatwave's Always and Forever* After that, I find out that I will get my braces Tuesday. :( *obviously not thrilled about it* I then go home.

Here at home, things are ok. Nothing truely not worthy. Actually, there is something, but I'd rather not type about it. Just say its something that I need prayer about. That is all i need to type about that. Wake up and talk to Ray.

Me and him seem to be clicking well. He is the only one I know that seems to be able to outthink me on things. Usually, i'm able to outthink someone's advice. *hard to explain* Point is, I'm going to church tomorrow and Sunday. Will be interesting. like i said, inner battle heats up. Especially since I'm still feeling like I want to do what I want to do and not what God wants me to do. Argh. Life frustrates me. Can't i just be Sure of something in my life. ANyways, I'm done, ~END~